


Doki Doki: Intercepting

by InessaMaximova



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22565869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InessaMaximova/pseuds/InessaMaximova
Summary: "Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?"Due to unspecified circumstances, the only male member of Literature Club leaves the town shortly after festival ends. A year has passed since then.Natalie had quite a turbulent life. Yet she wants to start it anew in different country, culture, family. From the first day she attends new school, her goal is to join the Literature Club she read so much about. She wants to meet these amazing people that made previous year school festival a memorable experience. And maybe repeat the success.And maybe... To mold things into their original shape.





	Doki Doki: Intercepting

This was it. This school. I’ve heard so much about it. And about its students. And the awkward situations that happened here. I knew I can bring back peace. I took a final look at my phone. With headphones on, listening to an old music album of not too popular band, I walked to the right classroom, right before hiding everything well in my bag.  
\- Ah, you must be the new student – An elder lady speaks to me. I bow in elegant and traditional way. - But… This uniform…  
\- There were troubles with finding one for my measurements, sensei – I reply with truth. - Principal said for now I can wear my old school’s uniform.  
It consists of plain, white, buttoned shirt with ruffles, green skirt, black bow tie, dark gray knee highs and brown loafers. I looks elegant. I feel good in it.  
\- Oh, my manners – I say calmly. - _Ohay_ _ō_ _gozaimasu_. My name is Natalie Dawson. I come from a country in Europe. I was having a turbulent life, but now I hope I can stay safe, and I can easily share my passions, which are games, literature, music and poetry.  
I take a moment to search for well known faces. There she is. Long, purple hair, beautiful, violet eyes, skin like a porcelain. And that nervous fiddling with hair.  
\- You can sit with Yuri. I want you all to be good friends. - The teacher says, and I sit down next to the beauty of the violets.  
She is quiet all the time, yet I help her with few assignments. Next lesson and another girl. Natsuki. Pink hair with lots of fun decors. Pink eyes. She seemed like she didn’t care about anything. She had trouble with English. I know where to aim for.  
Lunch break time. Slowly walking through hall and listening to my favorite album, I stop at book sharing shelf. I think to myself “Hey, maybe they have some nice stuff there? Remember when you found that manga “Hideout” and read all before exams?”. I giggled very quietly and spotted a girl with messy coral hair. Her blue eyes were focusing on shelf.  
\- Ooh, this is so hard to pick! - She pouted. - Can you help me pick something bittersweet there? - She looked at me with her puppy eyes.  
\- Sure thing, uh… - I knew her name already. But I wanted to hear it from her.  
\- I’m Sayori! We have next class together! - She looks like she is trying to remember which one it is. - Uh, it’s calculus! - She beams, and I giggle at her right answer. I notice they have my favorite book, “Muted Laugh”. But… It’s edition in my language? How did it got here? I pick it up. All memories were coming back.  
\- Ooh, what is it about? And why I don’t understand anything? - At first she smiled, then she frowned, unable to understand my language.  
\- It’s about a girl who one day stops speaking, and due to her extremely good memory, she has bad images often coming back to her. Still, her biggest dream is not to be able to speak again. - I stop for a dramatic pause.  
\- Uwah! What is it, then?! - She is excited.  
\- It’s the love from her mom, who is a supermodel. - I say with a serene tone. It’s true. Poor Antje.  
\- Aw, so sweet! But you should meet Monika, our Club President! - THAT Monika, huh? Sure, why not…  
\- After lessons, Sayori, after lessons. - I calm her and we go to calculus. It is not that hard. We seem to be given an easy topic that day. But I notice Sayori is spacing out. I know what that means.  
\- Rain clouds, huh? - I indulge her. She seems to quickly snap back to reality.  
\- How do you… - She is a little nervous. - Do you have them as well?  
I smile sadly. - Mine are called dark thoughts. Because that’s what they are. A ball of blackness with some fading smoke behind, looking like a comet.  
She is mesmerized by my poetic comparison. - We should write a poem about them then!  
I just smile and reply “Maybe”. After classes ended, knowing that the Literature Club activities would begin, I walk around the school to get to know it better. After about fifteen minutes, I spot Sayori skipping to club room in a very happy mood. She notices me.  
\- Ah, Natalie! I just wanted to introduce you to the girls! - She smiles and opens the door. I walk behind her. - Hey, I have a new member!  
I look around. The club room is cozy and filled with friendly atmosphere. Yuri greets me first.  
\- Welcome. I hope you will have a nice time here. - Her voice is gentle and deep, but not sharp. It fits her and is pleasant to listen to.  
\- Yes! A new girl! - It is Natsuki. - After he left, I don’t feel like trying another boy…  
\- Eh, I am not too much after boys either – I try to calm her down.  
\- Ah! So it’s you about whom whole school talks about! - A confident posture, big ponytail and beautiful ribbon. No doubt it is her. - Ah, my manners! I am Monika. I hope you will have the best time here at Literature Club! As the President, it is my duty to make members feel comfortable!  
\- Would you like a cup of tea? - Yuri asks kindly.  
\- Oh, certainly. - I reply. - Mint tea, if it is possible. No sweeteners.  
I sit down between Sayori and Natsuki. Monika began questioning me.  
\- So, what do you do in free time? - She peeked from Natsuki’s left.  
\- Let’s see… - I pretend to be deep in thought, when I am just waiting for Yuri to come back with tea. After she sits down, I began speaking. - I do a lot of things. Playing games, reading manga, writing stories, listening to music, writing poems…  
\- Wow, you like everything others like here too! - Sayori beams. - Right, Natsuki?  
\- E-EH?! I-I mean… - She pouts. - So what? If you want to say my taste is bad, the door are there. - She pointed to the club room door.  
\- I respect everyone’s opinion – I reply, taking a sip of tea. - Mm, magnificent. Thank you, Yuri.  
She looks to the side and begins fiddling with her hair again.  
\- O-oh… It’s nothing… - She takes a breath. - I am glad you enjoy it. So you write stories?  
\- I do, indeed. - Sip. - I mostly think about many situations people land in. About different types of love. I would like to read some inspiring book with you once, Yuri.  
\- I’d be delighted to do so. - She sounds confident.  
\- I would just looove to write some great poem! - Sayori says.  
\- Oh right! - Monika enters the conversation. - You like writing about happy things, don’t you, Sayori?  
\- Ehehe~ - Sayori fiddles with her fingers. - Let me think… I like happy thoughts… But sometimes I have these rain clouds… Which sometimes pair together… And end up in making a bright rainbow! - She jumps a little in place, and we all giggle.  
\- What about you, Monika? - I know very well what she likes. I did my research.  
\- Hmm… Let’s say recently I discovered the world of free form poems. - She speaks. - The way you can put so many emotions, so different rhythms in a poem, just by moving a line few spaces to the side… It truly is magical to me.  
\- Maybe we all could share poems? - I ask.  
\- Only if you won’t laugh! - Natsuki says. - Last time I trusted someone, they laughed at me…  
\- It seems these people were very inconsiderate – Yuri says timidly. - I can assure you I will not judge.  
\- It would be highly unprofessional for me to judge as well – Monika defends Natsuki. - I want club to be safe space for all of us.  
I smile. After small chats we all decide on writing a poem for tomorrow. Before exiting the club, Monika stopped me.  
\- Hey, may I have some request to you? - She was making that sweet girl attire. Does she really think I will fall for that?  
\- Yes? - I ask innocently.  
\- I know it may look like all girls are perfect and beautiful… But in reality they are not.  
\- Oh yeah? - I play like I have no idea what she is talking about.  
\- Yes, sometimes they have messed up thoughts… - She takes a moment to collect her own. - So my advice is… Avoid them gently. And instead… Spend time with me~  
\- I’ll pass. I have a lot to do. Unpacking and all. - I half lie. I know Monika is up to no good.  
\- Fine! Just think about me when writing poem, okay? - Her smile would look sweet at first glance, but the more I knew about her, the more sure I was it’s a mask.  
I walk out alone, holding my bag tightly. I walk through the door and straight to my room. After changing clothes and unpacking stuff, I look into the fridge. Rice baked with apples and cinnamon. I put the small box into microwave for five minutes. After that time I pick it up and eat. Warm and sweet. After coming back to my room, I knew I had to write a poem. But I had to play it smart. So that everyone will like it in some part. So it has to be simple, sophisticated, daring and mysterious. I played my favorite playlist and began writing.  
I looked at the time in my phone. 9PM. I usually go to sleep by 11, but I guess new environment calls for changes in schedule. So I go to the bathroom and take a relaxing dip in the bath. It soothes my mind. But also cleared it out very well. Monika wants me only for herself. Just like him. She truly doesn’t care about emotions of other people. Treading through the corpses.  
After deep cleanse, I take a look at my poem and change few words. After reading it again, I am happy with the outcome. After all, I don’t want any particular girl. At least not now. Maybe when I will gain some trust. I went to sleep peacefully, just as my new family came home from work. At least we spend mornings together. I hug my big blue teddy bear named Bluebeary and fall asleep for good.  
Next morning I woke up to the song called “Mono”. It’s in a foreign language, but I think few words go like this:

  
_All my music is mono, (…) like stereo  
_ _(…)  
_ _All my music is mono, (...)  
_ _In every (…) I believed you  
All my music is mono, (…) _ _like stereo  
In every (…), your hair – like snow_ _  
  
_

I mute the alarm and go downstairs. I chat with my new family. They seem like they really care about me and my happiness there. Lady, a beautiful redhead, spoke up:  
\- With all these suicides, we were thinking very seriously if we could get this – she says with concern. - But we came to a conclusion that the more we will analyze the frights, the more we would be pushing away our dreams.  
\- Natalie, be strong – A man speaks up. He has nice voice, like a home fireplace. - A lot of dangers lie ahead.  
I smile, finish my meal and go back upstairs to change into my uniform. I grab my notebook where I write my poems. With that, I also grab my folder with stories. I know I have to show at least one. I decide to tie my hair with my simple black bandanna. When tied properly, looks elegant and doesn’t stand out. I smile as I do last brush, say goodbye to my caregivers and go to school. On the bench, I notice a tiny girl, sleeping. I go further to shake her.  
\- Mm… What is it…? - She rubs her eyes.  
\- You seem to have fallen asleep here – I say.  
\- Oh… I do it a lot… - She yawns. - They call me Laffey. Because it sounds like lullaby.  
\- Well, nice to meet you! I’m Natalie. - I smile.  
\- Oh… You’re in 3-B, is that right? - Her voice is quiet and sleepy. So cute.  
\- I am. Does that mean we have classes together?  
She nods. - IT. I like it. I can focus on programming my game. I am close to finishing characters design. And I have full concept of plot. And mechanics. It will be cute, but also challenging. - She looks around. - What time is it?  
\- Around 7:50 AM. We still have time, or we can go together?  
Sleepy girl nods again, with a small hum. - Okay. You have chemistry now, right?  
\- Yeah. How do you know? - I ask.  
\- I have science next door – Her answer is so simple yet so fulfilling. We go there and depart our ways.  
Turns out I share literature lessons with Monika. I can see how active she is. Passionate, deeply engaged in lessons, analyzing every part. If I didn’t know her, I’d say she is impressive. But I know it’s all lies.  
IT lessons are cool. Sleepy girl I met in the morning shows me her project. It’s a shooting game set in alternate historic universe.  
\- If there is one thing I am bad at, it is story telling – She shares her thoughts. - I tried, many times, but the way the characters speak is so… - She stretches, her long, pink blazer moves with her. - Wooden.  
\- You know what, I just ended one story, but now I am sort of capped with impressing someone. I can try to write something when I will be more loose. What do you say? - I ask. Her eyes wide.  
\- Whoa, you really mean it? - I nod. - So cool! I can’t wait!  
We do our duties, I share few more lessons with few more students and I head to the club room. All girls are present here. Natsuki sits in the back reading manga, Yuri on the other hand sits in desk and reads a book, Monika sits on windowsill, possibly studying from her notebook. Sayori sits on the desk and fiddles with legs in air. I speak up.  
\- Ah, what a good day today! - I find some plain spot in front of the club room. I always sit in the first desks. Habit? Liking? The thing that matters is I feel safe here.  
\- Ah, Natalie! Hello! Seems you are in good mood today. - Sayori jumps from desk and sits next to me. I feel other girls popping their heads up. Not that I mind.  
\- Hi, Sayori! I guess I am. Maybe because I am excited to spend time with you and get to know you better. - I smile.  
\- Oh yeah? - I hear Natsuki closes her manga and possibly puts it back into the closet. - I am curious if you remembered to write a poem.  
I pull up hands in defense and quickly pick up my notebook. - It’s all here. Don’t worry.  
She smiled. - Seems like Sayori did a good job.  
\- Ehehe~ She just promised to read me a book in her language! - Sayori beams. - With that I knew Natalie is a good person!  
\- Translating a book from a complicated language? - Yuri perks up. - That seems very hard working, yet also like a very friendly thing to do.  
\- And it’s a book I really love – I turn to Yuri. - If you like stories that squeeze your heart, or caress with every emotion, that lecture is a good pick up. But, unfortunately, I want to translate it, because it was not released in many languages.  
\- I would be pleased if you could recommend me such stories, or… - She fiddles with her hair again. - Discuss it together, if you’d like…  
\- I think it would be a good idea. - I can hear Natsuki trying to say something, but I quickly interrupt. - It has love motives too. Maybe not the type we dream of, but it teaches us that family is always there for us.  
\- That’s just what my father would say – Monika smiles and comes to us. - Have some free time, girls, I need to study.  
\- You, of all people? - Natsuki asks. - You’re like the smartest person in whole school.  
\- Ahaha. I may look smart, but I still have to study hard to maintain good grades. - She smiles and sits back on the windowsill.  
\- I’ll go buy myself some snack! I am hungry, we had a hard PE time today… - Sayori whines.  
\- Sure thing. Have fun on the way! - I smile at her.  
\- I want to finish this volume today – Natsuki says. - Find me near the closet! - She heads there. I am left with Yuri.  
\- A-ah… I was not… Expecting this turn of situation…  
\- No worries. I came in prepared. - I pick up my folder and dig through it. I pick up my mild story, called “Rosso”, which means “Red” in Italian. I sit down next to Yuri, connect our desks together, and just then Sayori comes back.  
\- Heey, don’t kiss out there! - She giggles.  
\- E-EH?! That’s not…! Uuu… - Yuri starts blushing and looks away.  
Sayori giggles and goes to the back of the club room and eats her donuts. I just shake my head and say calmly to Yuri:  
\- Hey, the least we can do is enjoy a good lecture, right?  
Yuri takes a deep breath, smiles and nods. - You’re right, Natalie. We should cherish such rare occasions.  
We look down and start reading. Story was about a fighter whose love interest was kidnapped by evil organization, and eventually killed. Seeking for revenge while dealing with depression and occasional anger outbursts. Not long until he meets exchange student from another country and they come to understand each others’ messed up feelings. Yet unable to fall in love with each other. And not wanting to.  
When coming to an end, I hear quiet sniffle. I look up. Yuri seems to be moved.  
\- Oh, it was such a good read… Ah, I’m crying, right? Oh, good thing I don’t wear makeup…  
I pick up a small pack of tissues and offer it to Yuri. She kindly accepts it and sneezes into it.  
\- Thank you… I really liked when Elena just stood there, in silence, observing Vittorio’s reactions. That ultimate kind of test, when you want to give it all back, and wanting to push everyone away, and regretting no one stayed by your side. Yet Elena did the opposite. I respect that.  
I smile all the way Yuri talks about my story. - Thank you, Yuri. I never showed my stories to anyone. Or rather, I tried. I shared them everywhere. I rarely got any reply.  
\- Poor people, not recognizing great talent… - She sighs dreamily. - You really inspired me today, Natalie. I know what will I write today evening.  
I smile, grab my things and pick up all papers. I sort them nicely and put back in folder. I hide it in my white, flowery bag and pick up bottle of water. I hear a yawn in the back.  
\- Aah, I love taking a nap! It helps me staying happy! - Sayori smiles widely. We all giggle, even Monika. She packs one notebook into her emerald green bag and picks up another.  
\- Okay, everyone! How about we share our poems now? Are you ready?  
\- Yes! - Sayori jumps with a paper in her hand. She must have been rereading it. - I wrote a very good one! I know it!  
\- Finally! - Natsuki sorts manga again and grabs her small note block with some nice dolls on the cover.  
\- I am sure I will enjoy everyone’s work – Yuri states with calmness and confidence.  
I smile and first approach Sayori.  
\- Hey, Sayori. Having a good day?  
\- Yes! Let’s see… - She focuses, making dot like lips. - I earned a B on activity, ate delicious donuts, took a healthy nap… Yes, it is a very good day! And I hope my poem will show it!  
I read it. It is just like her. Bubbly on the outside.

_**Friends** _

_I go to school to make friends  
Because having friends is important!  
_ _When parents are away,  
_ _Who will cheer me up?_

_I like sharing food with friends  
_ _Because we need food to survive!  
_ _Did you know we sometimes  
_ _Forget to eat properly?_

_Sleepovers are important  
Because it bonds our relationships!  
_ _There are all our secrets  
_ _No one else will hear them, right?_

_I want my friends  
To be with me, and for me!_

\- Do you consider me your friend, Sayori? - I ask.  
\- Yes! Because you said you will tell me that story from your language to ours! You care about my interests! - I adore her personality. So happy on the outside.  
\- I will see if I have something good at home, and maybe I will make a nice meal for you tomorrow – I say fully honest.  
\- Really?! Yay! - She likes to hold her arms up when being happy. - I know it will be delicious!  
I smile and let her read my poem. She says she likes “how it’s happy, and sad, and happy, and mostly happy, but not entirely”. I smile and go to Yuri, who just stopped chatting with Monika. That one went to Natsuki.  
\- Hello, Natalie. We meet again. - Yuri smiles softly. - I am very curious what your mind might have written.  
I hand her my poem, she reads it few times, to better understand it.  
\- A good poem, indeed. Seems meeting all people in this new school made you inspired. Do you like it here?  
\- Oh yes – I reply. - The atmosphere is much calmer, the rat hunt isn’t as big, I can have free time and not just sit at home. I may not seem like a very outgoing person, but we all want social interactions, no matter how deeply introverted some people may be.  
\- Very well stated – Yuri replies. - Would you like to read mine now?  
\- With pleasure. - I was sure it would be sophisticated and elegant. Just like Yuri.

_**Shade of Fluid** _

_Slow, steady waves  
_ _Inspiring others to do the same  
_ _To stay true to oneself  
_ _In this giant flow  
_ _A fair lily, sharing mesmerizing glow  
_ _Wanting all area to itself  
_ _Deeply daring to be bold  
_ _All while staying with clear mind  
_ _Wind blows, and spreads its soft petals_

\- I really like the rhythm in this one – I say after reading it. - Short, yet sounds very complete. I guess your feelings in this club inspired you today?  
Yuri widens her eyes at first, then quickly comes back to playing with her hair. They are of a beautiful shade of purple. Some say it’s a royal color.  
\- Y-yes… I… - She takes a deep breath and thinks for a moment. - I feel safe here. My situation at home is… Not too good, to say the least. I am often afraid of what awaits me out there. Literature club… Is my safe space. Where I am not judged. At least I think so… - Last sentence is said very quietly and her lips make a dot.  
\- I will do my best to not make anyone feel weird with me around – I say half jokingly. - I would feel bad, you know?  
Yuri smiles. - I highly respect your will to care about other people’s feelings. Currently not many people claim that openly. - She fiddles with her hair again, but smiles to me from side. - It makes you a valuable friend in my eyes.  
\- Are you done with promises and incantations, love birds? - Natsuki breaks the mood. I can’t hold my most basic snarky comment from such situation.  
\- Jealous much? - I smirk sheepishly. I hear a groan and even a foot tap. Me and Yuri just giggle, and as I approach Natsuki with my poem in hand, I make a note of Monika talking with Sayori. Natsuki’s expression changes from angry to shy.  
\- I don’t like that feeling… - She says.  
\- What feeling? - I indulge.  
\- Like… You see someone happy and all… But you are afraid it won’t happen to you…  
\- I am sure it will be alright. How about I go to your home after school?  
\- NO! - She suddenly screams, and whole club turns around to us. - Why are you looking at us?!  
“Because you screamed?” I think, but keep silent.  
\- It’s okay, I understand if you have some house duties. But again, wouldn’t your p… _Cough…_ Dad be glad someone helps his daughter?  
\- Papa doesn’t like strangers around our house… Sorry, Natalie. - I feel bitterness in her voice. Like she regrets she can’t invite me. I can’t force her, nor her dad.  
\- It’s okay. How about we read each others poems now?  
\- Yeah, it should cheer me up – she claims.  
I remembered not to make my poem too perfect, as Natsuki would sulk on feeling inferior. And I know no one wants to see that.  
\- It’s good – She states.  
\- But not as good as yours, right? - I ask.  
\- W-what do you mean?! - She blushes.  
\- I mean… I heard everyone saying your poems are the best and… I gotta say, I may have seen your work in school gazette, and I may have been inspired by your poems. - It is true. Her work is really good, despite being simple. And it is underappreciated.  
\- Oh, that. Well, perks of being a pro! - She makes a confident pose. - But enough of that, let’s see what I have written for today!  
I pick up Natsuki’s poem. It’s light and simple. Fits her well.

_**Seeing Colors** _

_I’ve heard there was a girl  
_ _Who dreamed of seeing colors  
_ _But because she was broken  
_ _She was afraid of opening her eyes_

_One day she took her best friend  
_ _And went away from everyone  
_ _They held each others’ hands  
_ _And whispered their worries and frights_

_Girl shared her dreams  
_ _And friend wanted to help her  
_ _So they talked and talked  
_ _So that girl would see the good sides_

_And one morning  
_ _When their trust was on a steady level  
_ _Girl opened her eyes  
_ _And saw the beauty of colorful world_

\- Oh, how I am touched. Hold on. - I go grab tissue pack from my bag and sniffle. - I am sorry, it is an amazing piece. It just… Touches the deepest parts of my heart.  
\- You know… I often feel like that… Looking for good people to share my passions with… And not being laughed at… But…  
\- You seem to fail? - I finish sentence. Natsuki nods.  
\- It sucks. Is it so much to be accepted? - She looks a bit from under. I nod.  
\- It can be hard, I know very well about it. - I keep silent for a moment, to collect thoughts. - I also want Literature Club to be safe space for me. Or basically for everyone here. Anyway, thanks for sharing.  
I begin walking away, when I hear a quiet “Thank you”. I turn back.  
\- I also want it to be a safe space for us all. Even though I may not look like it… - She adds very quietly. I smile and head to the final destination.  
Monika. The Club President. Queen of Perfection.  
\- Hello, Natalie! I hope you are having a good time at the Literature Club!  
\- Oh, I am, I like it here. Everyone is talented and respect each other – I say. - Wish more people and clubs were like that. You did a good job with finding such refined people.  
\- Why, thank you very much! I hope you will have a good time here as well! But also… - She does her sweet pose once again. - Think more about me…  
\- Equality, Monika – I stop her act. She just sighs.  
\- You’re right! Now, onto the right things. Can I read your poem now?  
\- Of course – I reply and give it to her. She reads it few times. I knew I’d leave an impression on her.

_**The Literature Club!** _

_Once upon a time,  
There were four girls who liked it all:  
Books, manga, poems,  
But most importantly, they had each other!  
  
There was a moment  
When a mysterious statue decided  
To enlighten us and our minds  
And we all agreed on it  
  
They were all right  
I have to say it  
Keeping us up all night  
Isn't some shtick  
  
Yet I looked way too deeply into this  
Should I be the one to blame?  
I guess I just wanted_

_Happiness  
  
They were our sugar coat on a sweet bun!  
A light guiding us through the paths of our hearts...  
A warm and helpful hand to not get lost~_

_They were the Literature Club._

\- I love the imagery in this one! - She says and smiles. - It seems you value our fellow members. It’s good to see that! If there is one thing I really want, it’s friendly relations.  
\- I could say I have no problems with making friendships. The problem appears when it comes to holding them on a steady level.  
\- How funny, I tend to be same on that subject! - Monika replies. - Back in the days of my leadership of Debate Club, no matter my points, everyone valued my opinion, but to find the exact fragments they consider true to their minds and hearts, was the challenge.  
I smile and nod. - I won’t lie if I say I want to get to know club members better.  
\- I hope you mean me as well? - “Cute girl attire twice!” I laugh in mind as she does that pose again.  
\- Yes, you too. After all, just because you are president, doesn’t make you inferior to others. - I stop for a moment to make ready for her reply, and when she wants to say something, I interrupt. - But, of course, being president, you are superior to us, members. You make the rules, goals, all kinds of things. All to make Literature Club a safe and nice place.  
Monika smiles brightly. - Very well said! Ever thought of being a spokesperson?  
\- Meh, it’s not for me. - I mutter. - After some time people tire me. And I hate arguing.  
\- Everyone is good in different subjects! - Monika beams. - I could say I like taking hold of things and molding them to my own.  
I keep silent about her last comment and instead focus on her poem. As expected from her, when looked deeply, it talks about her craving for one person.

_**Magnificence** _

_There goes a story of a charming lord  
_ _Whose only craving was love of its nation  
_ _To love him  
_ _And only  
_ _Yet few ladies were too bold  
_ _And one day  
_ _They just  
_ _anyone who would  
_ _Just share the smallest information  
_ _Would become  
_ _silenced  
_ _Yet  
_ _He knew  
_ _One day  
_ _His temper_

_will haunt Him down_

\- I think all of us at some point had experience with fairy tales – I make a point, playing dumb. Yet something tells me she may get angry, and I quickly correct myself. - And I remember some “unofficial” ones felt more real, or should I say… - I search for word.  
\- “Felt real” is what I would choose! Ahaha! - Phew. Monika continues. - Just yesterday evening, in search of inspiration, I picked up family album and found a picture of me, on Easter morning, holding big book in my petite hands.  
\- Aw, it must have been sweet – I make a point.  
\- It was! Sweet, and heart warming. All of us here have problems with our parents, yet some-  
\- HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?! - Natsuki’s loud question broke Monika’s talk. I turn to see Natsuki sharing her poem with Yuri. Or rather, all of us turn.  
\- Ooh, you okay there, Natsuki? - Sayori asks, clearly worried.  
\- Huh? Oh! Yeah! I just was surprised Yuri have heard of a rare fact. - Natsuki made her angry little pose, we look at each other in understanding and say nothing, despite knowing it was lie. I shrug and turn back to Monika.  
\- Where were we? - I ask like nothing happened.  
\- I wanted to say that situation of some members here can be easily… _Altered_. - I don’t like how she pronounces that word. Sends chills down my spine. But I don’t show it. - I know you and me have good lives, though! Here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day! So many projects have accumulated on your schedule and have no idea which to do first? Look at every project and try to compare where will you need more or less work, and take the most urgent ones first. That way you will feel satisfied when you pick up that story you started writing long time ago or write that poem for which idea you couldn’t find right words for. That’s my advice for today! Thanks for listening~  
I turn back and hide my poem notebook in my bag. Monika speaks up again.  
\- Okay, everyone! How do you feel about writing poems and sharing them with others?  
\- It’s a lot of fun~! - Sayori smiles and shares her usual happy attire. - I think I even feel inspired by others great work! - Her face is full of focus. It looks funny with her fluffy personality.  
\- I am sure I will try that again if there will be an occasion – Yuri speaks up. - I also may have broadened my horizons a little. Who knows, maybe I will try new style.  
Natsuki is quiet. She looks down, arms crossed on her chest.  
\- Hey, Natsuki, if you feel threatened, just tell us – I try to soften her stress. She sighs.  
\- It was okay. It made me realize there is still a long way before I will become a pro. - Her posture changes, from stressed to confident, with hands on her hips. - I am very good, but not enough to call myself pro. But I am on a good way! - She smiles wide.  
\- I feel okay with that poem sharing. I am glad all of you enjoyed my poem. And I hope we can do more of it – I say.  
\- Great! So how about we all write another poem for tomorrow? - Monika asks.  
\- Yay! I can’t wait! - Sayori claims.  
\- I am sure it will be an interesting and passionate adventure – Yuri says in her quiet manner.  
\- I need to get back to being a pro! - Natsuki says proudly.  
\- I liked it too! I look forward to what you will present tomorrow! - Monika looks into her bag, possibly to check time. - Okay, everyone! I guess it’s time to go home and write a masterpiece! Thank you all very much for activeness and the good mood today! See you tomorrow!  
I walk slowly out, in the hall untangling my headphones cable, when Sayori approaches me.  
\- Heey, I thought we could go together, maybe you would like to spend some time with me? - She smiles and seems happy. Yet I have feeling something is off. I can’t lose this opportunity.  
\- Oh, I’d love to! - I reply. - But I need to ask my caregivers if they agree. After all, I have been here for only around a week, they still get to know me, you know?  
\- I get it! When my mommy and daddy are home, I always tell them where I go! B-because… I once had a nightmare I didn’t tell them where I went and when I came back home, they disappeared, and I was left alone….  
I immediately hug Sayori, in the meantime choosing number to my “mom”. She quickly picks up.  
\- Natalie, sweetheart, is something the matter? David is home today afternoon.  
\- Hi, I just wanted to ask if I can go visit a friend. I want to teach her a bit of calculus, as she has troubles with that, and she saw me getting a good grade.  
“Mom” giggles. - Oh, how sweet of you. Of course, I will call David in a moment to tell him not to be worried. But do you promise to come back by 9?  
\- Yes, Lena. Thank you, and thank David from me. - I see Sayori looks weirdly at me. - See you in the evening.  
\- See you, honey! - She hangs up.  
Sayori makes that focused face again. It looks nice.  
\- Why do you call your parents by first names?  
I grin and look down. - They are not my biological parents. Rather… Sort of adoptive. I told them I don’t feel good with calling them “mommy” and “daddy”. They understood and we are good by calling each other by names.  
\- Lena is such a beautiful name! - She smiles dreamily and bops from side to side, like a buoy. - Le~na, Le~na…  
I just giggle and walk with Sayori to her house. In there I immediately look to her fridge in search of food. I pick up bag of sweet potato fries, pour them to metal pan, put into oven and set timer for half an hour. I also do tea. Maybe not like Yuri does, but at least it’s tasty. As we sit in the kitchen and sip tea, I slowly translate the book to Sayori. Some people would say she is bored, but I can see right through that she closes eyes to better visualize plot. I do that sometimes as well.  
\- Will Antje get her voice back? - Sayori asks.  
\- Let’s say it’s too much of a spoiler – I reply. - But I can for sure say that Antje is more happy with every passing day.  
\- Yay! Oh! - She seems like she remembered something. - Fries! - She wants to go check them out, but I stop her and pick up egg shaped timer.  
\- Oh, it’s barely a minute. - I look at it and turn it so it won’t ring. Then I pick up some kitchen cloth, big bowl and take pan out of oven. I pour fries to the bowl, take another one for ketchup and we go to living room, watching some comedy series. We laugh and spend a good time. After episode ends, I see Sayori spaces out with a sad face.  
\- Sayori? - I softly indulge her. She doesn’t answer. I put my hand on her back, and she starts muttering something, louder and louder.  
\- … headgetoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadgetou- GET OUT OF MY HEAD! - She falls on the floor, crawled up and crying. I go to her room and search for nice things. I take her yellow blanket she had on bed and yellow bird plushie. I see it has written “Krypt” on the tag. I take these things when I hear a loud scream downstairs. I quickly run there, cover Sayori’s shaking body and put plushie next to her, still observing her reactions.  
\- Mommy~… Help me… She… Me… Uuu… - She seems to come back to consciousness. I keep silent, observe and listen. - She tells bad things… I am worth… I know it… Why… W-why would Natalie come here if she didn’t care? - She takes Krypt and hugs him, eyes closed. - Natalie is good… She has no idea what she is talking about… *Cough*…  
\- Sayori? - I take her small hand. - I think you had some kind of attack.  
\- Ha…? N-Natalie? - She looks up, all crying. - D-did something happen? D-did I fall asleep and you decided to give me blanket and Krypt?  
I shake my head. My voice is low and quiet. - No, Sayori. You started blurting out something that sounded like “Get out of my head”. And it seems like you are in big trouble.  
Sayori keeps silent for a moment, looks down and slowly stands up.  
\- I am scared… I know you saw that… But… - Tears roll down Sayori’s cheeks. - You were the last one to know… I… I suffer from depression… And… My doctor said a week ago everything was on the right way… But… You came and… Monika was telling me these things…  
I hug Sayori tightly and let her cry. What Monika is doing is unacceptable. But I know how to repair it. It needs time, but will work.  
\- It’s okay, Sayori. To shove it into Monika’s face, let’s write about our worries. What we are afraid of. What we lost and dare to bring back. But most importantly, what we value most.  
Sayori sniffles. - O-okay… W-will you stay with me… A-at least up to 8, when my mommy comes from work?  
\- Sure thing, Sayori. - I rub her arms and smile. I pick up Krypt and blanket and we go upstairs to her room. Messy, but feels like it’s full of warm feelings.  
\- You met Krypt already, so… - She picks up a big, stuffed cow toy. - Meet Koya! I got her when I began elementary school. She reminds me of all happy moments in my life!  
I smile and greet Koya. She puts her back down next to the bed and we sit down as well. Sayori on bed, me near her desk. Her laptop was set on screensaver of an animation from game “Farmscapes”. I played this game a long time ago. A fun match 3 representative. Sayori’s farm was all blue.  
\- I played this game when I was younger – I share my thoughts. - I think I made mine red or mix of blue and red.  
\- Ehehe~ Blue is my favorite color! It’s like the ocean, but also when someone is sad, we say they are feeling blue… - She stops for a moment. - And I often feel blue…  
\- I will do my best to not make you feel blue too often – I share a reassuring smile.  
We write words for our poems, chatting from time to time. About five past 8 we hear mature voice from downstairs.  
\- Sayo-chan? Sayo-chan, where are you, my bun?  
\- Mommy! - Sayori sprints down to see her mom. I chuckle and head down as well. I spot ladies hugging each other. Sayori’s mom is skinny, about the same height, has straight orange hair and a lot of freckles on her face. As she turns to me, she has the warmest smile and deepest brown eyes I have probably ever seen.  
\- And who is that charming young lady? - She asks, looking at me. I bow.  
\- My name is Natalie, I am Sayori’s friend from Literature Club. We also go together on calculus lessons.  
\- Why, hello, Natalie. I am Sayori's mom. I am glad you are having friends, Sayori.  
\- Ehehe~ Natalie reads me story in her native language and I really like how it turns out! - Ah, Sayori. Happy from simplest things.  
\- Speaking of which, excuse me, Miss. - I walk to the kitchen where I left the book and take it. I go upstairs, hearing Sayori chatting with her mom. I pack all my things and take last look at Sayori’s bedroom. I walk down.  
\- Oh, Natalie, won’t you stay for supper with us? - Sayori’s mom seems disappointed.  
\- Wish I could, maybe some other time. - I kindly reject. - My caregivers await me with some delicious food as well. And I need to be home before 9, as I chatted with them.  
\- Understandable, then. Have a safe walk and good night, young lady. - Her smile is warm like a sunset.  
\- We’ll see each other tomorrow, Natalie! Bye~ - Sayori says, and I just smile and walk away home.  
I really need to think how to tackle Monika’s acts. But maybe Sayori is overreacting? No, why would she do this? There must be something deeper. But there is still time. Close to my home, I feel my phone buzzing. It’s a message from… Yuri?

“ _I am a sinner…”_

I don’t feel good reading this. I make a mental note to talk to Yuri tomorrow. It seems we have English together tomorrow as my teacher called in sick. I so hope she is okay now…  
I enter house with stress on my face. David notices this and asks me about it. I tell him everything. I know I can trust him to understand.  
\- Well those are some big words – He says. - Do you have plan?  
\- Yes, but it all depends on your answer – I reply.  
\- Well, what is it then? - I am glad he is so concerned. - You probably think I will refuse to allowing you to take things in your hands? - I nod. - No worries, Natalie, I am sure you will do great job. Just… How many innocent souls may have perish?  
\- Hmm… Up to three. I won’t let myself to be dead. - I reply with a serene tone.  
\- You have my back. I will talk with Lena in the evening. - David sighs. - Sweetheart, go take care of yourself. You are probably tired.  
I just nod and give him another hug. Awkwardly enough, that night I sleep very well. Unaware of what awaits me in the morning….  
I am still sleeping like a baby, hugging my big blue teddy bear, when I feel intensive shaking. It is Lena waking me up.  
\- Natalie, there is someone who wants to see you. I know it is early, but it seems urgent – She whispers.  
\- Ngh… How do they look? - I groan, rubbing my eyes.  
\- It’s a tall girl, she has long, purple hair and beautiful violet eyes – She looks down. - She is crying in our living room right now…  
\- WHAT?! Hold on, where are my clothes, ah, no, aah! - I panic running like crazy looking for clothes. Lena calms me down.  
\- Sweetie, she said she doesn’t mind.  
I look quizzically at Lena and stop my rummaging. I shrug then and run downstairs. Yuri is indeed sitting on couch, crying, with a roll of kitchen towels on coffee table.  
\- I was asleep, I am so sorry… - I sit down and take her hand, and she hisses, as if she was in pain.  
\- Um, girls? - Lena stops by. I look at her. - If anything, I am all day at home today, so… I will… G-go read a book… - She walks to her bedroom. I look at the clock. 5:30AM? It’s way too early for me to wake up. But if it’s for Yuri’s sake…  
\- Yuri, I got your text yesterday – I say. - What did you mean by that?  
Yuri sobs quietly and looks deep into my eyes. - I want you… T-to… Promise me one thing…  
\- I will try my best – I reply true to my beliefs.  
\- Please… Don’t hate me… After what you see… - She looks down, on her arm. “I have a bad feeling about this”, I quote Obi-Wan in mind.  
\- Okay, but before that, I have… Few questions. One, do your parents know you’re here?  
Yuri looks down, as if she doesn’t want me to know something. After what seems like mind fight, she speaks up.  
\- My mother… Is in specific place not far away, but not at home. My father… P-passed away few years ago. I am raised by grandmother from father’s side. - She looks into my eyes. - We will talk about it another time. For now… - She looks at her sleeve and turns it back. My eyes spot a bloody arm, speckled with deep and fresh cuts. Her breathing becomes fast and sharp.  
\- Damn… That’s what you meant by that message? - I ask, and Yuri nods. Then she continues to sob.  
\- I just hate when they look at me, call out by mean names, say those evil things… I.. I…. - She starts to cough, and I know it’s too dangerous. I run to Lena’s bedroom, knowing she claimed she is a nurse. I tell her situation briefly and we come back to notice Yuri laying on the couch, with cut arm over her forehead.  
\- Your name is Yuri, right? Mine is Lena, I will help you. - She turns to me. - Go grab towels from kitchen and something to clean those wounds.  
I do as she orders and after that, I just caress Yuri’s pale hand. After a moment, she speaks up.  
\- Only mother… Knew… But somehow… She got notified as well…  
\- “She”? Who do you mean? - I am a little afraid of her answer. Yuri grins in a bitter way and continues:  
\- M… Monika… I don’t know… She told me these things… How I am dirty… And… Insane… Ngh… - I shake my head a little. I had small hope it would stop once I come here. Seems such people don’t change.  
\- How about we show her where’s her place? - I ask, and Yuri turns her head slowly to me.  
\- What do you have in mind, Natalie? - Her voice is weak.  
\- Girls, I am sorry for interrupting you… - Lena speaks up, finishing bandaging Yuri’s arm. - If you want, I can write you an ill day note, and call your caregiver, Yuri…  
\- … And give Monika that satisfaction? Hell no! - I protest.  
\- As long as it will not be seen from under the uniform, I am fine… - Yuri says.  
Lena sighs. - Fine, but please be careful. - Before closing the door, she asks: - Can I at least share this information with my husband?  
Yuri nods in silence, and as the door close, I continue my trait.  
\- How about we all show her where her place is, by writing poems about things we are afraid of, and the truths about them, opposed to rumors? - I ask, going into the kitchen in order to make breakfast for two of us. There’s a little silence from Yuri’s side, until I hear dining chair being pushed back. I turn back and see confident Yuri.  
\- I really like this idea. I hope Monika will understand what she does is wrong… - She looks at my doings and adds: - If it is important, I am allergic to cocoa. - I turn back to see pitiful smile. Then I look at bowls, both filled with chocolate cereal.  
\- Damn, sorry, I nearly killed you! - I search for another bowl and some other cereal, to no avail. - Ugh, no more cereal… Do you mind something I used to make on tough days? It doesn’t have cocoa, but white bread.  
Yuri smiled warmly. - I would be delighted. I am not on strict diet.  
I smile and come back to making breakfast. I make myself double portion of chocolate cereal, for Yuri I prepare weird milk dish with crumbled white bread and a bit of sugar. I mix it well and sit down.  
\- Have a good meal. It’s not some rich food, but I liked it. - I grin. Yuri smiles warmly.  
\- It’s okay. Have a good meal as well.  
For a second I look weirdly at the bowl. Yuri notices it.  
\- Sorry… - I look up and grin. - I know so little about you I was unsure if you pray before food…  
Yuri giggles quietly. - I do not pray. Eat before it will get cold!  
The tension loosened, and I ate my food while having a nice chat with Yuri. She told me her mom is in mental hospital after she somehow killed her husband.  
\- I am sorry for being nosy, but… Do you know how this happened? - I ask. Yuri blinks few times and speaks up.  
\- Grandmother told me it happened when I was at home, but I don’t remember anything. All that mother remembers was sitting above father with knife in her hand. She doesn’t remember the impact. Yet it seemed like a professional work. All cuts were spot on. Judges had trouble with sentencing my mother. So she was left in mental hospital for ten years, noting that she had clean card, was young, doesn’t remember much and deeply regretted her crime. I visit her three times a week now, since throughout these years her mind has come to a very good condition. There are hopes she will see my eighteenth birthday, which are in few months.  
\- So you have a good contact with her, or is it rather something I saw in one movie once? - I ask. Yuri makes her lips make a dot like shape. She looks like she’s intrigued.  
\- What do you have in mind?  
I shrug. - Well, few years ago I saw a really good movie, and in there mother was suffering from schizophrenia, I think, and um… At some point she was barely responding to her surroundings.  
Yuri gave me a small smile. - Therapy is really working, plus the fact that my mother deeply regrets and understands her conditions, is a good tip as well. Last week she told me she sent a letter for shortening her “sentence” and awaits response. I chatted with doctors, and they have high hopes I will be able to rebound with mother. - She looks down. - Of course, with her state, she won’t be able to do most of works, but I am already doing all I can to support her.  
\- That’s very responsible, I admire you in that, Yuri – I said.  
\- Ah… Thank you… - Ah, it’s so good to see old Yuri back. - I don’t want to ruin this moment, but maybe we should head to school.  
\- Maybe I call your grandmother? - I ask.  
\- No… - Yuri closes her eyes and puts her wounded arm on chest. - She wakes up at 8. And she gets very angry when woken up without specific reason.  
\- Oh, alright. Will you be able to write, though? - I take her hand and softly caress it.  
\- Yes, I will be fine. - She doesn’t protest, and I just look at those pale hands.  
\- In that case, either wait here for me, or go already. It will take me up to ten minutes. - I say, while walking back upstairs. Yuri smiles warmly.  
\- Fufu. I will wait here. And… - I turn back. - Thank you for listening… To my rambling… - Yuri comes back to fiddling with her hair. I smile and walk up. I decide to let my hair loose today. I just quickly brush them and put on uniform. As I walk back down, I tell Yuri to wait a moment. I quietly open door to Lena’s bedroom and see her sleeping with book by her side. I take a blanket and cover Lena with it, earlier putting book on the nightstand. I carefully close door, grab my bag and we walk out. As we walk to school, we are chatting about our lives. So I share bits of mine as well.  
\- I want to thank you for not freaking out… - Yuri says in her quiet manner. - It means a lot to me…  
I just smile and say we still have some time.  
\- To be fair, I wrote a poem with Sayori yesterday afternoon, but I am sure you can think of something.  
\- Fair enough. I assume you were having a good time? - Yuri asks.  
\- Oh yes! Sayori is just, full of energy. Though sometimes… - I stop, yet Yuri’s answer amazes me.  
\- … She suffers from rain clouds… - She nods a little with closed eyes. - I am aware of her behavior. Once after classes ended, I noticed her sitting on a bench outside of school. Oh, I can’t even imagine how much in pain she is…  
\- And now with Monika trying to make you all dirty in my eyes, we especially need to be strong – I reply with strength.  
\- Problem is… It’s not the first time she has done this… Prior to this boy’s disappearance, she did bad things with us as well. She altered us so much he lost feeling of what was real, and what was just a facade. He turned into insanity’s arms, and well… - She holds her arms to her chest, fists clenched. I can see the knuckles in her fingers.  
\- Not first, but last for sure. - I sigh and decide to change that depressing topic. - We have two English classes first, apparently. We better go.  
\- You’re right. The more we dwell those situations, the more complicated they become. - She carefully stands up and takes her bag and we go to the classroom. Over the way we pass Natsuki and have a small chat.  
Classes are peaceful. Even a little too much. Knowing what will happen in club room, I get ready and grab something for everyone. I know Monika is vegetarian, so I pass on anything having meat in it. In the end, from a vending machine I select chocolate cookie, mint iced tea, big baguette full of different ingredients and bag of jellies. I pack everything into my bag and head to the club room. As I enter, Natsuki is the only one inside. She is reading manga in the back, as usual.  
\- Ugh, no wonder I am so bored… - She groans.  
\- Maybe I can help you? - I peek in, teasing her with baguette. Of course I didn’t buy it for myself.  
\- Grr… How can you help me, huh? - All the same Natsuki. Sour attitude.  
\- We could read some manga I enjoy. - I quickly sit next to her, get my phone and search through my library. I sense Natsuki peeking in.  
\- Wow… That’s a lot… - She says, but quickly adds: - But not as much as me, ha!  
“Sure, Miss Avid Reader” I scoff in mind but say nothing. I choose manga called “Our Happy Times”. A sad story.  
\- It’s not as cute as “Parfait Girls” but there are some themes that I am sure will speak to you – I look at my side and hand Natsuki unopened baguette. - Oh, by the way, it’s for you. I remember you mentioned your situation at home tends to be rough, so I thought, why not cheer you up with foo-  
\- I AM NOT SAYORI, YOU DUMB ASS! - She shouts. Good thing we’re alone for a moment. I tease her more.  
\- Pf. Fine, I’ll give it to her then, along with chocolate cookie I had prepared for her. - I say with a nonchalant tone. I am just about to hide baguette back into my bag, when I hear a loud grumble. Definitely not coming from my stomach.  
\- Ngh… I can’t… I… - Natsuki looks away, embarrassed.  
\- Come on, you can’t fool me. Take it like a proper friend would. - I decide to let out my last resort. - I didn’t have anyone who would share food with me when times in my… “Past life” were tough.  
Natsuki looks up. - You too… Suffered when… - She blushes, as if she didn’t want to tell the truth. I just nod. Natsuki groans in bitter way. - C-can I… Have that baguette… P-please?…  
I just smile and give it to her. - I am evil, but not that much.  
As Natsuki is eating, we are reading manga. It’s a very short read, one volume, as opposed to Parfait Girls being over 80 volumes as of that time. After she ate, Natsuki comes closer to better read manga panels. Somewhere around third chapter Yuri walks in and greets us. I wave and come back to reading. At the end of chapter four, Sayori rushes in. She giggles, and I am unsure why. I look around and see Natsuki have fallen asleep while reading. I shake her a little.  
\- Uuu? What… - Sleepyhead.  
\- We were reading manga and you fell asleep – I say.  
\- Ack! - She rushes away from me, as if she thought I fall in love with her. - Why didn’t you wake me up, idiot?! Don’t think anything weird!  
\- Oh man, I am the last one today! - Monika’s voice breaks that silly situation. - I lost the track of time in the Music Hall!  
\- Oh yeah, I’ve heard you began practicing piano – I say. - A lady of the renaissance.  
Monika giggles at my joke. - Am I really that talented? Somehow it’s all so natural to me.  
\- Still! It must require a lot of determination – Natsuki says.  
\- Huh? What do you mean? - Monika indulges.  
\- Well, look. - Natsuki counts up Monika’s achievements. - First canceling Debate Club, then starting this one, making festival the best piece on earth, and now picking up piano. What the hell you do in your free time?  
\- Ahaha. Quite a lot of things, actually. It’s just fifteen minutes daily, nothing much. - Monika smiles sweetly.  
\- With that being said, Natsuki received her gift already, so now time for you, girls – I speak up and dig in my bag. - Chocolate cookie for Sayori, once! Twice!  
\- Ah, cookies! Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! - She rushes from her seat, as if she doesn’t remember just a second ago she was napping. We all laugh and I give cookie to Sayori.  
\- Next we have… Bottle of mint iced tea for… Yuri. I hope you don’t mind it’s full of sugar? - I ask her, as she walks to me in her elegant style.  
\- Not at all. I need some boost of energy, whether be it strong tea or a bit of sugar. - She delicately takes the bottle and walks back.  
\- And last but not least, a bag of jellies for Monika! - I decide to give the bag to her personally. - Be careful… - I whisper with ice cold voice, and add louder: - Be careful with opening the bag, or all jellies will land everywhere. Happened to me few times, know my stuff.  
Monika sends me unsure smile and slowly eats the jellies. I walk to Yuri and chat with her.  
\- Please, if anything, act naturally – I whisper. - That way you won’t rise suspicions.  
\- But of course – Yuri replies delicately. - I chatted with Sayori and Natsuki on the lunch break. We all know what are we supposed to do.  
\- So you did remember to write a poem? - I ask louder and more relaxed, giving a hint we are safe.  
\- Yes, and I sure hope everyone will like it. - After taking a sip of iced tea, she dives into her bag and picks up another paper with rich writing. I walk back to do the same, in time for Monika to call us out. This time I am left alone at first, which gives me a moment to collect thoughts. Tomorrow weekend starts, so in the afternoon I will try to go out with Monika. She has no idea I know everything about her.  
\- Hey, I will go grab my jacket from the locker room, I’ll be right back, you girls talk! - I make an excuse to walk out and contact specific person. She came to this school year before me, and is from my terrains. In some way, she told me about this shits. She was a member for about a week before she nearly lost her freedom.  
Sure enough, she waits in the garden, under big cherry tree. Now naked, no petals to be seen.  
\- This is where it happened… - She says with deep voice. - Where she set the trap… I still don’t know how she did it.  
\- And you got a month long detention, right? - I ask, and she coughs irritated. She turns to me. - They can’t see you?  
\- Building on the far right – I reply. - She would have had to be able to fly.  
We laugh at that joke and observe the tree.  
\- Now whenever people hear my name they are freaked out. “Oh, it’s that yandere who tried to kill that girl because she stole her boyfriend!” Ugh, that faggot wasn’t even close to my league.  
I sigh. - I am planning to put Monika’s reign into end.  
\- Oh yeah? And what if she alters you too? - She bites back.  
\- Won’t happen. I did a very intensive research. - I take one last look at cherry tree and come back. In the building door I turn back and say: - I am on a good way to make it happen.  
\- Whatever. Disappear. - She scoffs and I walk back to the club room.  
\- Hey, sorry, I had to run through school in search of janitor, but I’m all good! - What a plain lie. - Where were we?  
I head to Natsuki first. She is happier today, and seems like she hopes to give me more lessons on her writing.  
\- Let’s see if your writing has improved – She says and begins reading my poem. I decided to keep the “good for all” attitude with my poems. Associating my style with any particular girl would lead to big problems. Natsuki reads in silence and seems to be deeply focused on analysis.  
\- So? I personally think I managed to make my writing a bit better – I tease Natsuki a little.  
\- Ha, you wish – She snaps back and gives me my poem. - It’s merely better than yesterday’s. Still a good example for advanced beginner.  
“Advanced beginner”? The hell is she talking about? I frown and pass that thought.  
\- Still, I see you are taking my lessons seriously. - She continues. - Because if you weren’t, you wouldn’t see the end of it.  
\- I guess I am still relatively new to writing poems – I say.  
\- Huh? You said you have writing experience – Natsuki points out.  
I grin. - Technically yes, but like, last time I wrote a poem except for here I was… Way back in middle school I think. And like, when I gave them to school gazette, not only teachers printed them with mistakes, but also I got sort of… Under attack, that my writing is too free-form.  
\- Bah! Losers! - Natsuki grunts. - You sure have talent, and know how to use it. You just don’t feel confident enough. Just few more weeks and you will be nearly as good as me! I guarantee it!  
I smile and say quiet “thanks” and proceed to read Natsuki’s poem. It’s a bit longer than yesterday’s, yet it’s way more descriptive.

_**Clouds are cool** _

_Heard about clouds?  
I’ve read they’re all cool.  
Like, really.  
  
Not cool as in “woo”.  
Or as in “Yeah, I’m the one!”  
They could freeze you up, really._

_Some people jump out into clouds  
I think to feel something  
But I don’t care, really.  
  
Clouds give us shade,  
Sometimes rain,  
And snow as well._

_Cool, really._

_And they appear on every occasion, too  
Spring, summer, fall, winter.  
Pretty cool, really.  
_

I chuckle a little after reading her poem. She wants to attack, but I quickly pull up defense shield.  
\- How ironic, that’s what I dreamed about last night – I say. - I dreamed that I was going out with someone and was analyzing something and we came to conclusion that something is cool. But what was that thing – I don’t remember. And I guess it’s what makes this poem perfect. You can put anything in here and it will still make sense.  
\- Yeah. You could say it’s my way of “free-form” poetry – She replies. - Yours left me questioning myself.  
\- Oh? In what way? - I ask curiously.  
\- Y’know… - She pouts a little in sad way. - I um… Have some troubles at home with Papa… I think ever since… - She gives me a quick look and gets back to staring at the floor. - Something in our family happened… And Papa wasn’t so good since then…  
\- If there is any way me or my caregivers can help you, you know where to knock – I smile warmly and walk to other girls, but I hear Natsuki calling my name.  
\- T-thank you… - She blushes and walks to Sayori. I on the other hand walk to Monika. She looks like she was expecting me.  
\- Hi there, Natalie! You’re aware festival is coming, right? - She asks. - Have you thought about what will you perform?  
\- Probably one of my poems. Either one I’ve already written, or some new one – I reply without emotions.  
\- I am sure you will do great! - She smiles and I hand her my poem for today. Monika reads it for a while, as if she wanted to analyze it deeper. - That’s as good as yesterday’s, or maybe even better! I can see it talks about longing for someone. I feel the same sometimes, hehe… - What an utter lie.  
\- Eh, I don’t know. Maybe I felt a little melancholic, that’s all – I do as much of neutral behavior as possible, though I’d love to punch her in the face, or cut her precious ribbon to pieces. - You wrote poem for today, right?  
\- Of course! I am very satisfied with how it turned out! - She smiled widely and I start to read.. - I hope you will like it!

_**Persistence** _

_What would it take to have them with me?  
_ _A warm hug  
_ _An enchanting literature  
_ _A piece of food  
_ _or maybe  
_ _just maybe  
_ _just_

_What would it take to have them away from me?  
_ _a TiGhT rOpE  
_ _A bLoOdEd KnIfE  
_ _CLOSED PANTRY_

_we look at stars to make wishes  
_ _I remember for the whole time  
_ _It would be_

_just_

_if only you understood how much I need you_

I finish reading and I feel anger rising inside of me. Yet I play it cool and pretend I don’t see the plain things. I want to outsmart her.  
\- How funny, reminds me of a horror movie about those high school students who were a bit paranoid that the world is going to end. But it ended anyway. - I chuckle at that reference. I need to watch that movie with Yuri someday.  
\- Well, actually my parents rent this movie few days ago, and when they both were working night shift yesterday, I played this movie, and I may have been a little inspired by it – she smiles. I am still surprised how nicely and easily she lies. - It’s a very good movie for the time it was made. But anyway, here’s Monika’s Writing Tip Of The Day! Sometimes we seem to lose important things to us, in a moment. The good way to find them is first analyze where we saw them last, or what have we done with them. Then we can think of the right places where we could put it. It’s much easier looking in your desk than in whole house! Or think of it this way: Are you writing a poem and forgot that perfect word? Try to find a word of similar meaning, and if not, search for it in things you wrote or read! That’s my advice for today. Thank you for listening~  
I walk away onto Sayori. After yesterday’s chat, she seems in good mood today.  
\- Hiya! How are you today, Natalie? - Sayori asks.  
\- I’m mostly good. I’m just a little worried. Festival is coming, and I have so many great poems I could perform… Are you good with your mom? - I ask.  
\- Mhm! Mommy makes the best food~ - She makes dreamy face. - Yesterday she made yellow beans fried with breadcrumbs. And for the first time in about a month, we ate together, that is me, mommy and daddy… - Her dreamy smile goes to a bittersweet one.  
\- So you don’t have good relations with them, I guess? - I indulge softly. Sayori shakes her head.  
\- It’s not that. They just work till the late hours, and often come back home when I am already asleep. We see each other in the morning, but… - She looks at me. - Sometimes it’s not enough for me…  
\- I understand, Sayori – I hug her. - It can be hard when you want to tell parents something important, and they don’t have time, or are away.  
\- Thank you… - She looks away, blushing. - But still! As we spent afternoon yesterday, I want to show you what I wrote then! - She beams right up and gives me her poem.

_**Hide and seek** _

_I often play hide and seek  
Because it makes me happy!  
_ _But sometimes when I am hidden behind a tree  
Something big and nasty appears  
  
Everything becomes dark  
Everything becomes cold  
Everything becomes wet  
Even my own face…  
  
It tells me those things  
Those nasty things  
That I don’t matter  
Or I shouldn’t exist  
  
But I know it’s not true  
And that if I focus enough  
Those rain clouds will go away  
And my friends and family will find me and laugh_

I smile genuinely and I feel like my heart is squeezed out of tears.  
\- I wanted to write about what I sometimes feel… Lost, lonely, but also loved! - She states. - Once I’ve heard some song, I don’t remember at all rhythm or all words, but I liked one line. “Love is the answer”… And I truly believe it~!  
\- That’s really nice, Sayori. - I smile. - I really feel your poem. It speaks to my heart. Anyway, have a read of mine now.  
I give Sayori my poem. We were writing them together yesterday, but she had no idea what I wrote about. Yet after this morning situation with Yuri, I had to add one or two lines. I sigh.  
\- I really want it to be festival end already, so I can spend more free time without worry. And with you all, of course.  
\- Hehe, it will be okay, I know it! - Sayori smiled. - I feel it in your poem, that you are stressed. And the fact you are stressed saddens me. I want all club members to be happy… - She taps her foot on the floor. - It’s my duty as vice president of Literature Club!  
I smile and walk to Yuri, who finished chatting with Natsuki.  
\- Welcome, Natalie. First… I want to thank you for treating me with respect and utmost understanding this morning – She says. - It may seem simple, but years of neglect both from the side of fellow students and teachers as well, may have led me to some strange behaviors and um… - She fiddles with her hair. - Different coping mechanisms…  
\- It’s all okay, Yuri. My goal here is to put end to the “curse” this Literature Club seems to spread – I say. - After all, I haven’t tossed you away yet, and I doubt I will. You are smart, mature, and know very well what you want. You just need to remember that.  
Yuri smiles. - Thank you for those compliments, Natalie. They mean a lot to me. And I hope my poem will tell you my… - She looks to the side. - Secrets…  
I take poem off her hands and begin reading.

_**Coastal tides** _

_Wandering around the sandy area.  
_ _Intercepting.  
_ _It has to be there.  
_ _That long gone creature, hiding and giggling about my petite steps._

_But I know it can be defeated._

_Stopping in the center, analyzing possibilities.  
_ _Hearing.  
_ _Feeling.  
_ _Seeing._

_No, it’s not the one.  
_ _It doesn’t seem right._

_Focus. Help. Save from this udder melancholy.  
_ _Opening eyes. Finding a solution.  
_ _A salvation.  
_ _Quick and confident. One fast move.  
_ _It’s over. Alles ist verloren._

_Enemy defeated. Amber is the answer._

I frown as I see weird words. - Excuse me for a second. - I turn back and pick up my phone. I run translator app and type in words I saw in Yuri’s poem. I nod. - Ohh. “All is lost” in German. Nice move there.  
Yuri smiles proudly. - Who said we have to write in one language? It may sound weird coming from me, but I enjoy video games with a bit of horror. And um… - She inhales. - I decided to find some other coping mechanism. I remembered my father had rather large collection of old video games. I went to his office room, and after a lot of research, I picked one game. Though at first it wasn’t working, and I thought I messed up, but… I searched online for help, downloaded right programs, and was able to finish that game yesterday’s evening. One of the bosses there said those words in German. I liked how they sounded, and I decided to put them into my poem.  
I smile. - I am proud of you, Yuri. You change like a cherry tree. From small, weak bead, to a nice tree with a trunk strong enough to not get flown away by wind, onto a big and heavy, with millions of petals on it.  
\- Thank you, Natalie. I do feel stronger now, that I found a way to change my life. And I am sure your poem will inspire me to stay like that, or even go further.  
I give Yuri my poem and she focuses and reads.

_**War** _

_Enemies running towards us.  
_ _We have to stay strong.  
_ _We can’t show any weakness._

_Piercing noise. Stagnating air.  
_ _Seemingly hopeless.  
_ _There are mistakes._

_Come on, sarges!  
_ _Right on track!  
_ _You know they think we are weak!_

_Home.  
_ _how does it look?  
_ _full of blood, I guess_

\- Fighting can take many forms – I begin speaking. - It can be a simple argument, a debate, or even a war. And I think that’s what I wanted to tell.  
Yuri makes a dot out of her lips and blinks few times. - Hmm. It makes sense. I guess I never looked at it that way. After all, my life has been mostly peaceful.  
\- And I guarantee it will stay that way. - I take my poem and sit back in the desk. Not for long, as Monika speaks up again.  
\- Alright everyone! I need to talk about some serious thing!  
\- Ooh! It’s about festival, right? - Sayori perks up. Monika smiles.  
\- That’s right! I thought if we want to be serious Literature Club, we need to perform some of our poems out loud!  
\- Yeah! That will show everyone how wrong they were about my skills! - Natsuki says with confidence.  
\- I am sure my poems will mesmerize guests. - Yuri smiles dreamily. - After all, I have been doing a great job so far…  
Me, huh? - I don’t mind it. I am not super excited, but also not against it. I know it’s tradition, and since I am foreigner, I think it’s natural for me to accept it. And performing out loud? Why not, could be fun.  
\- I am glad everyone is looking forward to it! In my free time I have been making posters which I will hang on Saturday at school along with students from other clubs. - Monika looks at us all. - Of course posters won’t be enough. But we will talk more about it tomorrow. - She turns back to check the time on the wall clock. - Would you look at that, half an hour of bonus fun, ahaha! We have half an hour to do some private stuff. I need to do some bonus assignments if I want to keep up my good grades!  
Meh. I don’t know what to do. I sit in my desk, or I rather lay on it. Bored, uninspired. I feel someone giving me few quick prods.  
\- Huh? Who? - I look around. Natsuki is on my left. - Oh, yo. Sit down. - I pull back the chair and she does as I say.  
\- You see… I wouldn’t even ask anyone to do this, but… A-and normally Papa would be totally against it, but we were talking in the morning, a-and he said he doesn’t mind, so um… Ugh. - She blushes like a beet. - W-would you like to c-come to my house this afternoon? A-after club ends. I um… Need some help with that language they say you know all about…  
I smile and decide to hold from making a snarky comment. - Sure thing. I also am a little back with the program. My textbook is nearly empty. I need some real learning.  
\- Thanks… And um… I-if it doesn’t bother you, my Papa will be at home, or rather he is already at home, since it’s about 4:40 PM and he finishes work at 4…  
\- As long as he won’t kick me out for teaching you, I’m good – I reply.  
\- Thanks again… I fell asleep around chapter 5. Will we read it again?  
\- Sure thing. Do you like this manga? - I ask.  
\- Um… It’s different from Parfait Girls, like, totally, but um… It… Teaches me some feelings I couldn’t name.  
Wow, coming from Natsuki, that sounds deep. I pick up my phone and read in silence. We sit on the back of club room, so I see well what others do. Sayori seems to be revising some lessons, Yuri sips iced tea I gave her and reads her book, Monika writes something in her notebook. I shrug and read along with Natsuki. Around chapter 7, she speaks up.  
\- You know, I never knew you can read manga online.  
\- Oh, you’d be surprised. Ever heard of manga called “Battle Angel Alita”? - I ask. She shakes her head. - As far as I remember, it was licensed once, but due to some disagreements on the mangaka – publisher line, publisher decided to ultimately cancel the license of that work. All existing copies were ordered to be sent back to publisher, those on the way to selling points turned back, and those in print, ultimately scrapped.  
\- Dumb. Dumb as h*ck – Natsuki claims.  
\- Of course people outsmarted publisher by saving few copies, both translated and original ones, and with help of part time translators, at some point full series was available online for free. Because license was canceled – I explain.  
\- So I guess after all there are some pros to that – Natsuki says. - Still, kinda feel sorry for author as they had to deal with such thing….  
\- Yeah… - I nod. - But again, manga is not that um… Delicate, let’s put it this way. I think Yuri would enjoy it more, as it deals with a bit of mecha and is generally set in some post apocalyptic times.  
\- Eh, you’re right… I don’t like themes AS dark as that – Natsuki pouts. - Hey, can we have a deal?  
\- What’s up?  
\- How about after festival you send me some links to manga you enjoyed, and I will be giving you another volume of Parfait Girls?  
\- Good thinking! - I say. - I am sure Parfait girls will be good!  
\- Well it is! - Natsuki claims. - People abandon it early because they say the way girls act is fake and unreal. But that’s what happens in volume two. They get in many weird situations and try to solve it all.  
\- Well, 5 PM has struck, thus I wish you a good evening, the Club meeting has concluded! - Monika speaks up and everyone packs their bags. We walk second to last, leaving Monika behind. As we exit the school building, I text my caregivers that I will again come home a bit later due to helping with lessons. They don’t mind.  
As we walk through town, me and Natsuki are having few small chats. Turns out her house is on the edge of town, quite a long walk from center. As soon as we approach the house, some gut feeling tells me to turn on the camera in my phone. Luckily I could make an easy excuse as after whole day at school I got quite a lot of notifications. I slide them all, turn the camera on and hide it in my chest pocket. Natsuki opens the door and claims she is home.  
\- Natsuki, good to see you. - A man in late thirties looks at me suspiciously. He has dark, reddish messed hair and two days long beard. He wears slim, rectangular glasses and has pale blue eyes. - And who are you, young lady?  
I try my poor Japanese in an attempt to ease the barriers. - _Ohayo gozaimasu. Watashi wa Natari desu._ \- I bow and switch back. - Unfortunately, my Japanese is very limited. I am sorry for potential mistakes.  
Man grins and makes barely heard “humph” sound. - So you and Natsuki share that passion to books, am I correct?  
\- Yes, sir. Also, today Natsuki asked me to help her with a school subject I have better knowledge of. She told me that as her father and main caregiver, you agreed on that. - I decide to not let Natsuki say anything. I give her a quick angry glare and look back into these icy eyes.  
\- Right. Be quiet, though. My job requires me to work in large noises, so I want some peace at least for some time in the day. - His voice is deep, sharp, but also like a bread knife. Full of zigzags.  
\- Understood, Sir – I bow, but he pulls up hand.  
\- Please, no fancy honorifics. Natsuki’s room is upstairs, next to mine. Come with me.  
We walk up through some old and very narrow stairs. Natsuki’s dad opens the door for us. The room is full of pinks and purples. It’s very girly and comfy. I sit on the bed and stop recording. Natsuki closes the door. She seems nervous.  
\- What’s up? - I ask.  
\- Papa doesn’t like visitors… Sorry if he reacted that way… He’s just… Suspicious. Ever since mama passed away… - Natsuki looks to the side. On her nightstand I notice a family photo.  
\- Can I take a look at that picture? - I ask delicately. Natsuki nods and I pick it up carefully. There are three people, two adults and one small girl. Man is wearing some half formal outfit, woman has rich, long pearl hair and wears white jacket, long, white skirt and probably some flat shoes, as the terrain seems unsuitable for heels. Girl smiles and makes a cute pose. Her smile shows two fangs, which make her look even cuter. They all seem happy.  
\- This was our family for around eight years… - Natsuki says sadly. - Mama… - Natsuki curls up on bed and holds her legs tightly. - Mama… Passed away… C-cancer…  
I give Natsuki a giant hug. I feel her tears on my clothes. I don’t mind. I rub her back.  
\- Mama… She understood me like no one else… She… She knew… Uuu…  
\- Shh. It’s alright – I comfort Natsuki.  
\- I am meant to be the responsible one… But Papa doesn’t let me… One time I passed out due to hunger… Papa forgot to buy food for home and I… I… - I just let Natsuki sob in silence. - A-and recently… P-papa… D-does something I d-do not like… B-but he doesn’t listen… I-it hurts… Uuu…  
I give Natsuki a giant and tight hug. I grab tissues from her desk and give her the box. She takes few and snorts into them.  
\- And Monika somehow got information about it and wants to wreck your life? - I ask with a bit of irritation in my voice. Natsuki looks up surprised.  
\- Wha…? Ho-how?…  
I shrug in an ignorant manner. - Pure guess. Yuri and Sayori also seem to be dealing with her. But there is a way to put an end to her actions and I am close to making it.  
\- I sure hope so… - Natsuki pouts. - Last time I barely saved Sayori because she wasn’t responding for whole Sunday and I got h*ckin’ worried.  
\- Girl, I’d do the same – I claim. - Everyone having some bigger bits of compassion and friendliness would do that.  
I see a smirk on Natsuki’s face. Seems she caught up whom I didn’t have on mind. A knock on the door kind of breaks the mood. Natsuki’s dad opens the door.  
\- Afternoon – He says in rather cold manner. - Since you brought a guest, Natsuki, it would be inappropriate to let her be here without dinner. Come down. But slowly and quietly. I don’t want any of you hurt.  
He closes the door and I step up first, Natsuki follows. We carefully step down the stairs onto kitchen with small, six place table and four chairs. I take a sit next to Natsuki, she sits opposite to her dad.  
\- I have decided to make something moderate, as I don’t know your preferences, Natalie-san – He says. - Still, I hope you enjoy this meal.  
\- Can I ask a question before we start eating? - I say slightly afraid.  
\- Please do.  
\- It’s not a manner in my country, but maybe it is here. Do you pray before eating a meal? - I ask. I can see a faint smile on dad’s face.  
\- We… That is me, Natsuki and my long gone wife, would do it. But ever since she passed away… I stopped doing it. Memories… - He sighs. - Memories were too painful.  
\- I am sorry to hear that, Sensei, and I apologize for accidentally pulling out this topic. - I try to be as delicate as I can be. In my mind I see a ballerina _en pointe_ , holding elegant tea cups in her hands.  
We eat in silence, with occasional questions from Natsuki’s dad. He asks me about basic stuff, like school, grades, family life, how I keep up with Natsuki. Everything runs smoothly. Or I thought so. After dinner ends, I decide to go home. Yet first I head to the bathroom. I check myself in the mirror and come back to Natsuki’s room to take my bag. I remind her to write a poem and say goodbye to her and her dad. What I see then is still unbelievable to me. He is smiling, widely. And not in creepy or sexual way. A genuine, friendly smile.  
\- Thank you for visit, Natalie-san. Somehow you made me understand my feelings in a way I haven’t looked at them before. It makes me happy. Please wait one more minute. - He then rushes upstairs to his office it seems. He comes back with a book. A rather small and thin book, packed like it was meant to be a gift. I look a little suspiciously at him.  
\- For the longest time ever, I wanted to give this book to someone who… - He inhales. - Who would make me see the bright light again. You are the first person, aside from my beloved daughter, in these ten years. That is why I want to gift it to you. As a man of your age, I personally liked this book. Inspired me to be who I am. Even after that accident. Thank you, again. I will tell Natsuki that she can invite you any time. And I also think… - He breaks his line of loud thoughts. I don’t interrupt. - I will stop some actions. For my daughter’s sake.  
\- _Arigato gozaimashita, sensei_ – I speak again in my broken Japanese, bow and head out.  
For whole way home I feel weird. He just met me and already gives me gift? Maybe he was checking my reactions? I occasionally look at the package. It’s decorated in nice, light beige wrapper with some elegant, swirly design. Silver ribbon is wrapped around in cross. I hum some random tune to myself as I enter home. No one’s around. Guess caregivers haven’t come home yet. I sit on the sofa in the living room and put bag next to me. I carefully pull out the ribbon and open the wrapper. It is held by some light adhesive tape. As I pull the last bit, my eyes see the cover.  
\- Whoa… - Is all I am able to say when I see it. George Orwell’s “1984”. I had this book on my “To-read” list for ever since I can remember. Everyone says how great this book is. I quickly flip pages, and when I do so, small paper flips out and falls to the floor. I pick it up and read.

“ _To the great and understanding person,_

_It seems a long time has passed since I made that wish. Many told me “you dumb fool, stop dreaming, it won’t happen”. But I believed. And wished. And my wish was granted. I met that person. And they changed my world. Pushed me to things I would never force myself on my own. I want to thank you for that. Thank you for showing me the light again. The future is bright. I am certain about it. My heart lingers for it._

_Y.  
  
25.12”_

A Christmas wish? Pretty unexpected if you ask me. Still, is it good if I save this piece of paper? Hmm. I decide to think about it later. I want to dig in my bag in search of homework, when my phone buzzes. Message from Natsuki.

“ _DON’T WORRY EVERYTHING IS FINE HE STOPPED IDK WHY BUT HE DID SORRY GOTTA GO WE GO TO TOWN FOR LIKE FIRST TIME IN YEARS BYE”_

I look at my phone screen, unable to understand what she means. I scratch my head and turn back to digging in my bag. And another piece of paper. Fate or curse? I chuckle under my nose and read it.

“ _So, you know how I told you Papa does bad things to me? Well, to be fair, I think it is due to Mama’s death, because, like, when we were all together, he was pretty normal, despite being rather gloomy and stuff, but uh, anyway, um, don’t tell anyone I wrote it. Because like, I know he doesn’t mean it, or like, I don’t know the word, but, Papa does this to like, you know, forget about the pain, or something like that. And he knows it hurts me too but he still does it, and I guess I just don’t know how to stop this carousel.”_

Natsuki’s writing. As I come down to the message, I remember text she sent me few minutes ago. Could it be I somehow repaired a broken, middle aged man? Am I really that big of miracle worker? I must have got lost in thoughts, as I feel something or someone prodding me. I come back to reality, shake my head and look around. Lena and David came home.  
\- Natalie, are you okay? - She asks worried. - You were sitting here like a statue.  
\- Did something bad happen? - David asks as well. - I have to say, I have never seen you like that.  
\- Oh, I am sorry, it’s just, some strange things happened today, but um… Overall I think I unintentionally made some good deeds and uh… Maybe even changed a person or two. - I reply, still unsure of what has happened today. Maybe I am dreaming? _  
_\- Well, normally I’d be glad you are being good with people around – Lena states. - But noting what has happened in the past few days, it’s not necessarily a positive sign.  
\- Oh, don’t be fooled – David speaks up. - She has bravery of a lion. She just knows how to hide it all. Ahem. What I mean is, we believe you will find a way to mold this world back into its initial order.  
\- Thanks… - I grin and pack things. I head to my room, only to be stopped by Lena.  
\- Natalie, if you don’t have much to do, come down, we will watch some movie together. - She takes a look at David, who is sitting on a couch, turns back to me and winks. - I bought three boxes of ice cream!  
My eyes must have been sparkling. - Say no more! - I rush to my room, change into red checkered shirt and some dark gray sweatpants and rush back down.  
\- Well, since you did so good today, as you claim, you pick – David gives me TV remote and I search through some streaming platform. We decide to watch “Hotel for Dogs”, mid 2000s comedy full of doggos.  
\- Okay, guys, who wants some ice cream? - Lena teases us from the kitchen. I look at David and it seems we understand each other without words.  
\- First in the kitchen gets Neapolitan ones! - I laugh and rush there. Of course I am joking, but surprisingly David takes it like a real challenge. When he finally gets to the kitchen, he laughs and says:  
\- Alright, you won, but still, I’d like some fully chocolate ones.  
\- Well you are lucky I thought about it and bought three different flavors – Lena laughs and gives us boxes full of ice cream along with spoons. She takes vanilla flavor for herself and we all sit down and watch the movie.  
After the movie ends, I take all the plates and clean them. I put them on the in-drawer dryer and go back to my room. I revise my homework and write a poem. Before bed, I text Yuri. I remembered she told me she may be able to get me to see her mom. I am sure Yuri would be happy to get along with me even more, and her mother would be happy seeing her daughter having friends.

**Me:** _Hey, Yuri. I just remembered you were about to go see your mother on Friday after school. Would it still be fine with you if I came along?  
_ **Yuri:** _But of course. I had a conversation with my grandmother, and she does not disapprove this idea either. That means we can go tomorrow together.  
_ **Me:** _Awesome. See you tomorrow. Goodnight._

After that I plug my phone to the charger and put it on nightstand. Night was rather peaceful. I had a dream where I meet Yuri’s mother and we are all embraced in giant hug. I wake up and do basic routine consisting of bath, teeth and hair brushing, I even add a little makeup, but small enough to be allowed by school. I have some weird genetic luck my eyelashes are very long. I add a bit of mascara and walk down. David is sitting in the kitchen eating cereal and reading newspaper. I get myself a bowl, spoon, search for milk in the fridge and strict diet oats. I pour a little and sit opposite to David.  
\- Hey, I wanted to ask something. - I try to get David’s attention. He puts the newspaper on the side and listens to me. - You and Lena really aren’t mad for me coming home late these past few days?  
\- To be honest, Lena is still a little afraid, knowing your past situation and how you dealt with it – He replies. - But we want to put our trust in you. It is true we were trying to… - It seems like he is seriously thinking about the right choice in words. - Get you from out there as quickly as possible and at first were afraid you may be heavily rebellious, but… - He exhales loudly. - In the past few days we noticed deep down you are a very mature, brave and responsible person. Trying to save these ladies from some other lady’s mischievous mind requires a lot of bravery. I don’t think I would have had guts to do something like that.  
I smile, but am unable to say something smart and sophisticated. David seems to catch on it. He takes my free, left hand and caresses it.  
\- I understand, you don’t know what to say. Someone once said something like “Silence is golden”. It makes sense. Actions speak more than words themselves.  
I just smile and we eat, chatting about simple things. I tell David I may come home today late, and that since it’s weekend, on Saturday and Sunday either I will be away from home or people will come here, in order to prepare everything for the festival.  
\- That made me realize, in order to break Monika’s world, Sayori needs to stay at school today and fully experience the club meeting. - I share my thoughts.  
\- Why is that? - David asks. He seems very intrigued.  
\- As far as I remember, before that boy’s suicide, Monika was strongly messing with Sayori’s mind and made her feel so bad that the latter went home, of course pretending to be tired, in a merely believable way.  
\- Oh, sounds serious. You said you will be performing, right?  
I nod. - Everyone will perform out loud a poem chosen by themselves. In order for guests to keep up with performances, we will send poems we will be performing probably on Sunday on Monika’s e-mail. But we will perform completely different ones. To confuse her and realize her mistakes. I know what I will perform, but I can’t tell yet.  
\- Say, would it be a problem if we, that is me and Lena, came along? - David asks.  
\- You can’t. It’s just between me and the girls. - I state in a very cold manner.  
\- Eh, I should’ve guessed, you’re right, I’d break the fun – He jokes and I giggle.  
\- Thanks for understanding, though. - I finish my food, clean the bowl and go upstairs to my room. I dress up, pack my bag and go to school. To my surprise, I come across Monika on the way there. My mind wants to ask “How’s it going in the orphanage?” But I decide it’s not the place for such deep secrets.  
\- Hi, Natalie! How is your morning so far? - Her happy nature at first glance seems natural. She can’t fool me, though.  
\- Oh, had a pleasant chat with my caregiver. He supports my acts and overall is happy I am spending free time in a different way than sitting in front of laptop.  
\- Right? World is so interesting, sometimes I feel like we don’t think that much about it! By the way, the festival is on Monday. Will you be able to be there and perform along with others?  
\- Yes, I sure will – I say with an emotionless tone. - I was searching for inspiration, as to what should I recite. I have few options, but it’s nothing certain.  
Monika smiles and does her cute girl pose. - We still have time. And I have some plans onto how to make the event more enjoyable.  
\- Fine. Hit me up when you need help. - I say that just when we enter the school.  
Lessons are fine and all. To spice things up a little, after lessons end a little earlier, I go to the music room and sit near the piano. I see someone put some stickers with letters for beginners. It will help me to nicely play the tune. And with my voice – double the mood. I find right notes online, put the phone on the note holder and play a tune I know has a very important meaning to Monika…

_Everyday I imagine a future where I can be with you  
In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you  
The ink flows down into a dark puddle  
Just move your hand – write the way into his heart  
But in this world of infinite choices  
What will it take just to find that special day?  
What will it take just to find that special day?  
  
Have I found everybody a fun assignment to do today?  
When you’re here everything that we do is fun for them anyway  
When I can’t even read my own feelings  
What good are words, when a smile says it all  
And if this world won’t write me an ending  
What will it take just for me to have it all?  
  
Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?  
Is it love if I take you or is it love if I set you free?  
The ink flows down into a dark puddle  
How could I write love into reality?  
If I can’t hear the sound of your heartbeat  
What do you call love in your reality?  
And in your reality if I don’t know how to love you  
I’ll leave you be_

…

I hear quiet clapping in the back. I turn to see no one other than Monika. Bait eaten.  
\- I had no idea you are such a renaissance woman, Natalie! - Monika says. - We should definitely play one day together, just you and me…  
\- Yeah right, now excuse me – I grab my bag completely ignoring her flirting with me. - We have a club meeting to make, don’t you think? - I go to the club room, leaving her alone and completely ignoring any of her actions.  
As I go through corridors, somewhere around first floor I hear a grunt coming from ladies’ bathroom. I lurk in to see Sayori, curled on the floor, close to the heater. I come to her and take her hand.  
\- Sayori, speak to me, what’s going on?! - Please, no, don’t ruin our plan!  
Sayori grunts. - Ngh… Period…  
\- Oh, poor you. - I dig in my bag and find some painkillers. - Are you allergic to some ingredients?  
Sayori shakes her head, and I give her one pill and an unopened bottle of water. She slowly swallows the pill and tries to stand up. She wobbles at first, but is able to maintain position.  
\- Are you sure you’ll be okay, Sayori? - I ask worriedly.  
She smiles in her usual way. - _Daijobu_! Come on, Monika is probably waiting for us!  
\- Speaking of her, today I want to sort of gain her trust – I explain. - In order to do our deeds, of course.  
\- I understand! I will probably try to not be too active today… Uuu… - She grunts again before entering the club room.  
\- Where have you been, girls? - Monika asks. I decide not to lie.  
\- Sayori has a painful period, that’s all. - I observe as Sayori sits down in her usual place. - I gave her a painkiller, she should be good in up to an hour.  
I sit down next to Monika and pick up one of my notebooks. This one is A4 size with half transparent orange cover. I use it for writing translations of poems from other languages.  
\- I must say, that name doesn’t ring a bell for me… - Monika peeks from my arm into my notebook. I have it opened on my unfinished translation of a poem I saw once on a building in my home country.  
\- She was a poet from my country, I think living in the 1950s. - I take my phone to thoroughly read the original poem and translate it well. I don’t mind Monika peeking. I write in silence and very slowly. My writing is different depending on whether I am in a rush or I am taking care of every word. It still looks weird though. My writing is very irregular. I don’t think any of letters I put are ever the same, no matter how much I try.  
\- I think it’s fascinating, trying to perceive feelings from another language, so different from the other in terms of grammar – Monika says. - Are you dreaming of becoming a translator?  
\- I do not dream about the future – I reply with dead tone. - I do not like making plans. They failed me too many times. I can make some easy and sure ones, like what I am about to do in the afternoon, but something like my future, it’s a bit too extreme and unsure.  
\- It’s totally fine! - She says. - Not everyone likes to have every part of their life planned. Some people live of a moment.  
I sigh as I write last word. The outcome is interesting, and I think poem would speak to Monika’s taste.

_**Do not go** _

_Let us not go to sleep yet  
until the music so beautifully plays  
do not go to sleep yet  
before it will dawn  
Until we can walk behind steps of the night  
in the darkness with whom brotherhood we seek  
Let us not go to sleep yet  
until the sounds still lose the time  
Let us not go to sleep yet  
Do not go to sleep  
  
_\- For me, this poem talks about the trope of city nightlife. Some people want nights to never end. I personally like the balance of day and night. Both are great and are important in every life. - I share my thoughts.  
\- Or it can be also read as longing for someone… - She says it with a heavy romantic tone. I don’t like that. - I kind of feel this… A person, so close, yet also so far away…  
I decide to break her romantic trait of thoughts and come up with a plan. I talked about it with Sayori and Natsuki in the morning and they are in. I will talk with Yuri on the way to hospital.  
\- Hey, Monika, what do you say that I would handle some preparations for the festival? I will have a lot of time in the weekend and my caregivers do not disagree on that idea. And I have a brand new printer I wanted to try out for something bigger than school essays.  
\- I would love to get some help, especially from such interesting girl as you! - I can hear how she emphasizes specific words and it makes me all itchy inside. I shake my body.  
\- Sorry, I am a little cold. - I dive into my bag for my new gray shawl which is also good as a small cover. - Ah, much better. Soft, fluffy and warm. Oh, and about the festival help, no help today, as I talked with Yuri and we will be revising together to English test.  
Monika smiles. - No problem! I thought of Sunday afternoon, would it be good?  
\- Yeah, should be good – I reply in my usual manner.  
\- Okay, everyone! - Monika comes back to her old self. - It’s time to share poems again!  
I yawn and pick up my notebook again. I go to Yuri first. It’s fair since I went with others the past few days.  
\- Hey, Yuri, how is your day? - I ask.  
\- I would say it’s moderately good. Nothing in the extremes, which I am glad for – She replies. - What about yours, Natalie?  
I roll my eyes and scoff, slightly nodding my head towards Monika, who is sharing her poem with Natsuki. Yuri nods in understanding.  
\- I could sense that air from meters away – She states. - It really is so bad…  
\- Believe me, it’s hard to ignore her and avoiding pulling out all her dirty tricks. Though there is a good side to that.  
\- Oh? - Yuri makes dot lips again. - What would it be?  
\- Learning patience and holding tongue back – I say half seriously. - But truth be told, I am glad she has no idea I know so much about her.  
\- Let us concentrate on a good share of poetry for now – Yuri smiles and gives me her poem. She smiles widely, looks really happy and proud of the outcome.

_**Passage of time** _

_Pale flesh emerging into the new world.  
What are the dreams?  
What are the fates?  
Maybe it’s all just an adventure?  
To create the world where one can be safe.  
To be treasured.  
Yet respected as well.  
Time passes.  
Trees grow with every passing season.  
Things change.  
All except for one.  
Certainty of existence._

I feel this poem. I could see myself saying those things in a more straight forward way, but overall message is clear to me. I must have been nodding a little, since Yuri asks:  
\- Is something the matter? - She makes her dot lips again and blinks.  
\- Hmm? - I look up. - Oh, my bad, it’s just, somehow I feel this poem very deeply. Like, makes you think, is our life defined by the start? Or maybe we can change it in some way and mold it to our own? Leaves you questioning maybe even your own personal existence.  
\- You see, I was trying to remember those days I had with my parents. I asked my grandmother for a photo album, that is if we had any, and she gave it to me and said: “We were all the happiest family in whole world. And I believe we still can get it back”. I knew what she meant. As I was looking at these pictures, I remembered all those small, yet very happy moments. My parents, despite father being often away in the world, have always been with me and for me. We really had a happy life. And I am sure that if my mother will come out of hospital, despite father not being with us “physically”, we will still be a happy family. That is my wish for now~ - Yuri smiles and hugs herself. I pat her head and give her my poem. I see her eyes moving along with the lines of the text. Blinking from time to time.  
\- I am tired of all these tricks, I want it all to be over already. My caregivers know about it, just… - I sigh and shake my head. - I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say such things…  
\- Do not fret, Natalie, I understand the situation you are in – Yuri closes her eyes and puts arms on her chest. - It is a very intense fight, with a lot of traps. And as you wrote, we have to be careful with every step, or else we will be doomed.  
\- Thank you… - I look down, take my poem and walk further. I go to Natsuki.  
\- Whoa, has someone died that you look like that? - Natsuki asks with her usual tone.  
\- Believe me, I am tired of Monika’s bullshit – I reply, shaking my head. - Ugh, I want this masquerade to end! - I tap my right foot, angry.  
\- Damn, had no idea she is THAT bad… Like, I remember stuff she did to me and that boy and all, but, I just thought it was a blind love or something – Natsuki’s point makes me curious.  
\- Mind telling me more? - I ask.  
\- What is there to say? As far as I remember, Monika nearly drove Sayori to suicide, similar with Yuri, but somehow I was able to save them both, well, with help of Yuri in case of Sayori, and Sayori’s in case of Yuri, you get my point? - I nod. - I still feel ashamed that I just ran away vomiting after seeing Yuri… - Natsuki shivers. - Close to death… B-but she is still here, and… I may be fighting with her sometimes, but deep down she is my friend… One of the best I ever had… And… - Natsuki takes her small notebook. - I hope this poem shows how much I like my friends…  
I delicately take the notebook from Natsuki and read it.

_**Cats and dogs** _

_Cat once had a happy life  
Sweet and fluffy and pure  
But one day while playing  
Jumped in wrong place and got stuck  
Crying for help for many hours  
Giving up on its life  
They heard a loud set of barks  
So they meowed and screamed for help  
Dogs looked at each other  
And all together, took the cat out of trap  
And welcomed to their now mixed pack_

\- It may sound weird coming from me, but I feel like that sometimes – I say. Natsuki looks at me with curiosity.  
\- You do? How so? I see everyone chats with you, and you sing quite nice, saw you one morning singing something on the way to school.  
\- I may seem popular, but up until now, I barely talked, no one was ever inviting me anywhere, I was a shut-in. Here I feel like I can start a new life, breathe, feel the freedom and see amount of opportunities.  
\- People tell me I am cold and unsympathetic, but when people joke of you so much, how can you not just show your teeth after so many fake hopes? - Natsuki asks.  
\- Exactly. Deep down, you are a good person. Some people just don’t try hard enough. - I look down at my poem. - Still, I hope I tried hard enough making this poem at least “readable”.  
I give it to Natsuki and she reads it. She nods and hums from time to time.  
\- Well it’s a very good poem. As good as Yuri’s. You sure take literature seriously. - Natsuki states.  
\- I do. I don’t want to write twenty words not really connected to each other – I say. - What would be the fun in that?  
\- I am glad that I can have some competition, you remind me that in order to be the best, we need to practice every day. No easy solutions. - Natsuki makes a confident pose and I just giggle and walk to Sayori.  
She is pale and looks to the side. Seems period is really hard for her.  
\- Hey, I see you’re not too good… - I say, and Sayori shakes her head.  
\- Nope, it hurts, and I feel weak… Uuu… C-can I sit down? - She asks, and I allow her to do so. I do the same. - Ah, slightly better… Now, what have you written for today?  
I give her my poem. It seems to brighten her up.  
\- Is it good? - I ask.  
\- It’s really good, Natalie, have some more faith in you! - Sayori says. - You really have talent, but you are either modest about it or… - She saddens.  
\- Or what?  
\- … Or you don’t believe in yourself…  
I grin and look down. - I do have such episodes sometimes. S-sorry…  
\- It’s okay! Remember when on first day, you saw through me and my rain clouds? I knew you were a good person since then! And I hope my poem will show you how much I like you, Natsuki, Yuri, even Monika! - She fiddles with her fingers. - Even if she did what she did…

_**Tree grows in Brooklyn** _

_People planted a tree in Brooklyn  
They wanted to see how long it will last  
Many thought it will not hold until next season  
But the tree surprised them, standing still  
  
Years pass, tree grows  
Many people see the tree every day  
Few come closer to analyze its structure  
Amazed at how it stands in big city  
  
One day tree weakens  
And needs help to stand still  
Group of people form  
In order to help the big tree  
  
Now tree stands strong  
Even more people see it every day  
Some even take a nap under its shade  
That’s how comforting it is_

\- I remember an episode of a cartoon, a bunny fooled the dogs away by holding up a book “Tree grows in Brooklyn”. Maybe it has nothing to do with actual book, or if there even are big trees in Brooklyn, but I like summer naps under such big trees!  
I smile. - I don’t know why, but all of you have positively changed my plain and gray life recently, it got so many colors… I don’t know how to thank you for that positive change.  
\- Aw, that’s so sweet! But I am curious if Monika…  
\- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?! - A shout breaks our conversation. We look to the side and see Yuri and Monika sharing poems. “This is not good” I think.  
\- Yuri, please, you have to understand that this is already a crowded place, and maybe, jut maybe…  
Yuri crumbles Monika’s poem and throws it on the floor, then takes large notebook from her hands, packs her bag and goes away. She stands in the door, crying.  
\- No one has ever hurt me so much! You’re a monster!  
She shuts the door and her cry gets quieter as she seems to walk away. Natsuki glances at Monika and grunts “Now you’ve done it...”. She walks to the back and reads manga as if nothing happened. Monika tries to give poem original shape, but to not much avail. She turns to us with cracked smile.  
\- At least it’s still in one piece, ahaha…  
We all looked at her, amused by her low level joke. She grins and turns back. I give Sayori a certain look and walk to Monika.  
\- Guess it’s time, huh – My totally neutral tone comes back. It’s like Ice Road Truckers. One wrong turn and you end deep in cold sea. I take her poem and off the start I know it’s just sick and wrong.

_**property** _

_love. I. You. me. us. we. Together. Only. You. Just. Need. Both. Fate. Heart. Feel. Adore. Sparkle. Mind. Numb. All. Once. Unity. Hug. Rainbow. Sun. world. Sunshine. Hold. Eyes. Nose. Lips. Ears. Whisper. Promise. Forever. Never. Always. Red. Pink. Green. Emotion. Everything. Nothing. Place. Safe. Teddy. Bunny. Cutie. Sweetie. Sweet. Time. Click. Heat. Dear. Play. Be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me be wiYOUAREMYONEANDONLYLOVEILOVEYOUBEMINEFOREVER_

\- I was watching some criminal series about people who murdered for love… Either to be with those whom they loved, or to not let loved ones for others. - Someone would have to be totally unintelligent to not catch such lie. - But also… My mind has been weird lately, shifting from sleepy and tired to hyperactive… And I wanted to try something new, and I hope it works!  
I just nod, at lack of words for this psychic nonsense. I quietly give Monika my poem.

_**Mood chart** _

_Dear diary,_

_This day was very good!  
I ate good food, had a good chat,  
But these people still do bad things…  
  
Dear diary,  
A unique day, indeed.  
New achievements? Why, of course  
Broadening horizons in my safe space  
_

_Dear diary,  
Day was OK.  
What else should I say?  
Maybe that I am happy…  
  
Dear diary,_

_When will this day come,  
When everything finally be  
back on its originally designated track?…_

\- When I was younger someone recommended to me writing a diary, but I realized at that point my life was just too plain to write something interesting. Aside from “I woke up, ate meals, went to sleep”. - I say.  
\- But that’s better than nothing! Here’s Monika’s Writing Tip of the Day! Sometimes we write poems or stories and are not exactly happy with the outcome. Maybe it’s the wrong word that breaks the rhythm, or maybe the style is not suitable for mood. But it’s good to know there’s nothing wrong with experimenting! We learn by mistakes, they help us become better versions of ourselves. That’s my advice for today! Thanks for listening~  
\- Okay, so now that we have the usual stuff behind us, can I go search for Yuri? - I ask. For a moment I see mood shift in Monika’s emerald eyes, but she says I can go.  
\- After all, I still need to set few things up for festival, and it would only be fair if all of you were here!  
“Whatever” I think and go. I eliminate school down to two places Yuri may have ran away. I look at my phone for time and I narrow it down to just bathroom. I find her rather quickly. Yuri is crying, her uniform coat lays on the floor. She’s sitting on it. Her short sleeve shirt shows me her arms, covered in dried blood. Luckily these are not fresh cuts. Rather she shagged her arms to make them bleed.  
\- Why.. - She coughs while crying. - Why is she such a monster?! Love does not work like that, why doesn’t she understand that?!  
I hug her. This day I decided to wear black shirt instead of white one. I simply ended out of white shirts. So blood will not be that well seen.  
\- Yuri, please, three more days. - I comfort her. - And remember, we go to see your mother today. I am sure she would be heartbroken to see you feeling down.  
She looks up at me, blinks few times, then back down at her arms.  
\- Y… You’re right. I have to stay strong. If not for myself, then for my mother. - She slowly stands up and walks to the sink. She sets moderately warm water and washes her arms. Water becomes pale red. I get Yuri’s bag and jacket.  
\- Would you mind softly drying my arms? - She asks, looking to the side.  
\- Not at all – I smile and take some paper towels. I am very careful and delicate. - I don’t have any bandages, though… Do you think you will be able to hold until we arrive at the hospital?  
She nods. - Of course. I am a mature lady.  
I help her with jacket, carefully pushing sleeves back. She buttons it, and we walk back to the club room.  
\- Ah, just in time, I wanted to talk about festival! - Monika greets us.  
\- Will there be food? - Sayori asks.  
\- Ahaha, I hope so! I’m in mood for some home made sweets. But anyway, I thought in order to show what we are really capable of, we could recite some poems! Either our own, or those we found online or in books.  
\- That sure does appeal to my tastes, I am looking forward to it. - Yuri says.  
\- Is there some specific topic, or we’re just going with the flow? - Natsuki asks.  
\- You can recite about anything you want! And to make things easier, we can try reciting ones right now! Who would like to go first?  
I like Monika’s plan. With me as the scenario holder, it leaves me and the girls more opportunity to do things differently. I see Natsuki proudly walking to the podium. She shakes her hands a little to ease herself.  
\- This poem is called _**Jump**_.

_Jump, they say, or you will not move forward  
Jump, they say, or you will be left behind  
Jump, they say, unless you want to be alone  
Jump, they say, if you have the courage  
  
Fools, I think, I outsmart them  
I get a stick, long and hard  
Run, run, run, fast like a gazelle  
One strong step, and up, up, up I am!  
  
Far away, flying high, seeing wide  
Nice landmarks, sweet animals, pleasant air  
I land safely, all by myself  
Safe and sound, no hair split apart!  
  
_Natsuki grins proudly and we all clap. It’s a really good poem. Monika also seems pleased.  
\- Very well done, Natsuki! So maybe now the person who goes will be…  
\- I will go next! - Yuri blasts to the front. She takes few deep breaths and begins speaking. - Poem I would like to perform is called _**Afterimage of a Crimson Eye**_.

_I wandered lonely as a cloud  
That floats on high over vales and hills,  
When all at once I saw a crowd,  
_ _A host, of golden daffodils;  
_ _Beside the lake, beneath the trees,  
_ _Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.  
_ _Continuous as the stars that shine  
_ _And twinkle on the milky way,  
They stretched in a never-ending line  
_ _Along the margin of a bay;  
_ _Ten thousand saw I at glance,  
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance._

After she finishes, she smiles as we clap and walks down. It is a really interesting poem.  
\- Ooh, let me go now! - Sayori requests with curiosity in her voice. - Ehehe… Haha… Ho-how do you do it so easily?  
\- Just think you are talking to yourself in the mirror! - Monika encourages Sayori. - That way you can focus better on proper performance.  
\- Ooh, okay, will try that! So my poem is called _**My meadow**_.

_My meadow is wide and green  
Full of different flowers and animals  
I visit it every day  
To make sure everyone is happy  
  
Daisies, Lilies, Roses, Tulips  
Cats, dogs, birds, cows  
Sun always shining  
Always warm, always nice  
  
My meadow stays wide and green  
Changes with every passing day  
But one thing stays the same  
The safety of this place  
  
_Again, we all clap, and Sayori smiles widely. She walks down from podium and sits in desk. I notice Monika looking at me.  
\- Now, who goes next, you or me? - She asks.  
\- Go, I need to think of a masterpiece. - I reply half joking. She catches it and giggles.  
\- My poem is called _**The way they fly**_.

_Angels high up in the sky  
_ _looking down on creatures  
_ _c  
_ _r  
_ _y  
_ _I  
_ _n  
_ _g_

_more souls to take up to the sky  
_ _gifting them all with one thing  
_ _Wings_

_Fly with me, boy  
fly with me  
into undiscovered space  
it’s just so simple_

_spread them wide_

_long_

_white_

_but also  
_ _soon_

_stained_

Her poem leaves us all not really understanding the meaning, still, we clap and respect her.  
\- It leaves you, Natalie! - Monika smiles. - I am sure it will be a masterpiece!  
\- Do not worry, I am also certain it will be a good work – Yuri claims.  
\- After these few days, it sure will be good! - Natsuki states.  
\- Come on, don’t let us wait anymore! - Sayori smiles and encourages me.  
I walk to the podium with nothing in my mind. I am unable to remember any poem. Guess I have to improvise. I take a deep breath.  
\- This is an untitled poem – I say in rather quiet tone and begin reciting anything that comes to my mind that makes sense.

_Silence, I vowed.  
_ _The end of it all, the beginning of new experiences.  
_ _Silence, I vowed.  
Silence…_

_Reaching far beyond our imaginations,  
Adventuring with nothing but our own bodies.  
no thoughts;  
no dreams;  
just  
_ _pure silence_

_Looking far into the void  
For questions, or for answers?  
One does not know yet  
_ _Discovery continues  
_ _Lack of specified plans_

_Rescue or hostage  
Help or betrayal  
Maybe it’s better  
To give oneself  
Forever  
Into silent arms_

…  
I must have really gone with the flow, because when I come back to real senses, I notice my eyes are closed and intensive clapping brings me back. I open my eyes and see everyone mesmerized by my poem. Even if it is a complete act of randomness.  
\- Look, tell me when someone despises your artwork, okay? - Natsuki says. - I will kick their butts!  
\- A really inspirational and mature word choice, indeed – Yuri rates me. - Leaves me with many questions and thoughts about its words.  
Sayori focuses and makes a frown with dot like lips. - I may be wrong, but life is like an adventure! If we knew our life from the very beginning, it would be dumb and no fun!  
Monika giggles at Sayori’s interpretation. - Indeed, adventures are magical to say the least. I sure like some of them! Well, all that performing and we are close to going home! One more request though.  
\- What is it? - I ask. Of course I know what she has in mind but I want to surprise her.  
\- There are still few things we need to do for festival. Sayori has been doing posters and hanging them across the school.  
\- Oh yeah, saw one near the gym I think – I make a point. - I must say they are very well done!  
\- Ehehe, thank you! - Sayori smiles.  
\- But I personally think a simple information is not enough. We need a certain atmosphere to fill the room. Yuri, do you think you can find some beautiful essential oils to help us set the mood?  
\- Certainly. I may do some small decorations as well. I began doing small calligraphy trials back home. Effects are pleasant to the eye. - Yuri talks with her quiet, yet passionate and understanding voice.  
\- Oh, decorations would be great! I thought of a set of words describing us, members – Monika shares her thoughts. - Do you think you can do it, Yuri?  
\- Why, of course. I shall not disappoint us – Calm, yet confident. I think this is what I admire about Yuri.  
Natsuki scoffs. - And what about those poor people, reading pamphlets and forcing their brains to work? Don’t you know that full belly helps with focus and better work?  
\- Oh, do you have something in mind, Natsuki? - Monika turns to her.  
\- Well, Yuri will be doing cute cards, so I may do cupcakes with specific words on each – She explains. - And in different flavors too! If we want amazing event, we need amazing food!  
\- I am in! - Monika smiles and writes something on small yellow sticky notes. - Like I mentioned, I do pamphlets with our small bios, our favorite poems and ones we will be performing. Don’t worry, it’s nothing urgent, I can print it all on Monday morning. So if you can’t think of any poem now, you have whole weekend to choose that perfect one. But then… It leaves you, Natalie. Now… - Monika does her cute girl attire. Where have I seen this? - The question is… Which one of us would you like to help in particular? After all, we haven’t had much time to spend together…  
\- Hey! Do you think you can just throw us away like that?! - Natsuki is angry. - You have the easiest job in the world and you claim you STILL need help?!  
\- I agree with Natsuki on that matter – Yuri takes a confident stand. - I may not know much about baking, but I can imagine it requires a lot of ingredients, which when packed together, may make a very heavy shopping bag.  
\- Ehehe… - Sayori fiddles with her fingers and giggles nervously. - I may have also ended out of ideas for interesting posters… So I need some help as well! And no! - She straightens her body. - Copying ideas from the internet won’t be original!  
Monika sighs. - Whatever, just make a choice, okay?  
I outsmart them all. - So how about this. I meet with Yuri tomorrow morning and we do beautiful decorations. Knowing paint will have to dry at least one day, I think it’s a good idea. In the afternoon I can meet up with Sayori, we will design some more posters and, if the hour will be rather early, go to school and hang them around. As far as I remember swimming club has training every Saturday afternoon, so school should be open. On Sunday morning I meet up with Monika, we finish designing pamphlets and make sure everything fits. And in the afternoon I meet with Natsuki to make food. How does it sound?  
I see Sayori is in awe of my well thought plan. Yuri is in deep thought, analyzing the circumstances. Natsuki is looking at Monika’s reaction. And the latter is surprised by how organized it is. But also I sense a bit of jealousy. I don’t mind. Suddenly, she smiles.  
\- What a perfect and well organized plan! Why haven’t I thought of it? Say, have you thought of taking leadership of this club? - She makes that adorable pose again. Ugh.  
\- No. I am fine where I am, thank you – I reply with maybe a little too much coldness in my voice.  
\- Still, if you ever decide to change your place, chat with me! - Monika smiles. - But then, does anyone have any objections to this plan?  
\- I am good! - Sayori beams.  
\- Yeah, sound really well made! But remember, I won’t go easy on you! - Natsuki punches me a little in the side.  
\- I also agree to that refined plan – Yuri says.  
\- Then we are all good to go now! See you soon! - Monika smiles and waves to all of us. Natsuki goes out first, then Sayori, with me and Yuri second to last. As we exit school, she exhales.  
\- Finally, I can do this… - She smiles dreamily and breathes the air. I pull up my phone and check weather app for air quality. Clean air for the rest of the day. Sweet.  
\- Well, shall we go see your mother, Yuri? - I ask.  
\- Of course. Mind walking by my side?  
We walk while having few small chats. After about half hour of walk, we arrive to Shingikai Hospital. Yuri walks to the registration and asks about her mother, I don’t snoop around. Nurse makes a quick call and says something to Yuri. She points at the chairs along the hallway. Yuri bows and walks to me.  
\- We can sit down before the doctor will arrive – She explains. So we sit down and wait. After about five minutes, a doctor walks to us. He seems to know Yuri well. No wonder, since she must have been seeing her mother many times.  
\- Ah, Yuri, your grandmother called, and she said there will be a guest. - He looks at me from his small, oval glasses. - I guess this is the guest she was talking about?  
I bow and greet. He nods, and Yuri asks: - Is it still alright if Natalie came along with me to see my mother? What I mean is… - She inhales, her face has worried expression. - Is my mother in good enough condition to accept other, not well known guests?  
Doctor hums a little and checks me up from head to toes. - Well this young lady doesn’t seem dangerous, doesn’t even send a mischievous aura. And seeing big progress your mother has made in last half year, I am certain nothing bad can happen. Follow me.  
Doctor gives us some plastic things we are meant to put on our shoes. As we approach proper room, he orders us to give out bags, coats and anything that may be labeled as dangerous. We oblige, knowing this isn’t a joke. We enter in basically only uniforms. A strong looking worker unlocks the door.  
I see a white room, full of mattress like walls. Doors are solid, metal, with small window that seems bulletproof. In every corner there are cameras. At the right end of the room, under peach blanket, sits a woman in late thirties or early forties. She has impressive, long black hair. Her eyes, although closed, show her long lashes and delicate eyelids. Small lips, thin yet also full, a mix of pout and kiss, pale, yet very smooth. She is wearing white short sleeved shirt with low leveled back. I think I am able to see some tattoo, but not too much. Black vest adds style to her look. Black pencil pants only lengthen her already long and thin legs. No scars on arms, no bandages, no plasters.  
The door close behind us. The noise they made must have woken the woman up. I look at Yuri, a little afraid. She walks a little to the front, and says quietly:  
\- Mother, I am here… It is me, Yuri…  
Woman blinks few times, as if trying to get back to reality. She turns her head and spots Yuri. I still stand in the back, close to the door. My heart is racing. In isolated room, with only one friend to help. Thought of cameras everywhere doesn’t help me. I look into her eyes. They are deep, dark, yet full of emotions. As if her eyes were truly the mirror to her soul.  
\- My dearest, I missed you… - She speaks up. Her voice is light, with slightly high pitch. She looks on the side at me, curiosity well drawn in her eyes. - Why, did you bring in a guest? What a charming one, indeed… Come closer, child…  
All shaking, having worst thoughts in my mind, I walk slowly next to where Yuri stands. I bow and greet.  
\- What a nice name, uhuhu… - Lady smiles. - My name is Paula. Surprising that I have western sounding name as well… Your long gone grandmother, Gods bless her soul, loved taking care of her _Saintpaulia_ flowers. And she often said that I was her beloved flower… Just like you are one to me, my plum…  
Yuri looks to my side. - B-because of my purple hair and eyes, mother often calls me “her plum”… Not that I complain… - She fiddles with her hair. Guess I am not the only one nervous.  
\- Why, children, sit down, there is enough place for all three of us – Yuri’s mother invites us. We oblige. - Yuri have never told me about you… How did you hide such precious girl away from me?  
\- Mother… - Yuri’s face is all red, she looks to the side. I decide to take the opportunity and erase the tension.  
\- Well, it was not possible before, because I am here since this Monday – I explain. - I came from a far away country in hopes of… Well… Changing my situation to say the least, and at best, change my life entirely.  
\- My, my, that is interesting indeed, fufu~ - She smiles. - How are you finding this area, Natalie?  
\- I can certainly say it’s far more interesting than my old place of living. And well… - I look at Yuri as if I was asking “Can I say this?”. Seems like we understand each other without words. She nods. - Having such good friends and… A loving family… Really helps with my rehab.  
\- Do you suffer from some bad moments as well? - Hand tries to reach me, and my heart beats faster again. Ready for impact, closing my eyes, I feel...  
...Head pats?  
I slowly open my eyes, Miss Shijo is smiling wide, giggling quietly and patting my head.  
\- Sunshine, do not worry, I would just feel awful if I did bad thing to another person, especially if that person is dear friend of my daughter…  
\- Uh… T-thank you… - I stammer, Yuri seems to catch on it and begins conversation with her mother. Despite years spent in mental hospital, away from people, aside from few odd behaviors, she is still a charming lady. Yuri turns to me.  
\- Natalie… Would you like to recite some poem, to show my mother that you truly have talent? - She asks. I stay silent, thinking quickly about some poem I may say now. I remember something I saw in one game. I inhale, close my eyes and begin speaking…

_**Looking Glass of Fact and Fiction** _

_The search for truth  
_ _Longing for the future  
_ _The reflection that is there, but always out of reach  
_ _Our battles with destiny most oft end in much the same way  
_ _Its outcome, as expected  
_ _What is real? What is false?  
_ _All that remains is a small mystery  
_ _So let the tale be told  
_ _Will you, perhaps, solve the mystery?  
_ I open my eyes. Yuri’s mother at first has her mouth wide open, only to change it into wide and pleased smile.

\- Dear Lord, Yuri, you either have competition or a companion, uhuhu... - She says.  
\- Thank you, Miss… - I say, but she stops me.  
\- Why, sunshine, you can call me by my name… - Now Yuri stops her mother.  
\- Mother, I personally think it is highly inappropriate – She says with small bit of anger. Her mother makes a jokey crushed face.  
\- Aw, my plum, you break my heart… - She whines, giggling. I still feel uneasy. I look at very small clock, high up on the wall. We have been there for ten minutes? I don’t know if I can handle this. My heart, mind, even body are just racing. I am stressed and I think I even shake a little. Yuri’s mother notices it.  
\- Oh, sunshine, do you suffer from some neurological problems? - She looks to the camera up high. - Somebody, please, help this young lady!  
Yuri is terrified. - Natalie?! W-why d-didn’t you tell me?!  
I look quizzically. - Huh? Tell what? - As I ask that, door open and two nurses and doctor walk in. One nurse holds Yuri’s mother by her arms, she does not fight. As if she was used to it. Doctor takes Yuri with her. Second nurse comes close to me. I walk back, until I approach a corner. All nightmares come back with triple power. I crunch my body in the corner, sending up in the air an unspecified, high pitched note.

…

I open my eyes. I am laying somewhere. After plain white light disappears, I see face of Yuri’s mother right above me. Unknown fright takes over me and I scream again some incomprehensible noises. I hide my face in my arms and avoid eye contact. I feel soft touch on my arm. And Yuri’s mother voice.  
\- Doctor, would you please leave me alone with this young lady? I may sense her troubles… Ones she hasn’t shared with anyone… After all… I am unable to do anything bad… Guards and nurses would be here any second…  
I hear some humming and after short time, doors open and close. I hear some click and low pitched tap. I feel a tear going down my cheek.  
\- Natalie… I may sound like a maniac, but I do know such behaviors… Before that accident happened… I might have behaved in similar manner... I see something is troubling you… Something deep… Going back into your roots…  
I unlock my arms in a way my right eye is seen. And then more, and more, when finally my whole face is seen again. Although full of tears.  
\- Y-you really mean it…? - My voice is shaky and maybe a little whiny. She nods.  
\- Tell me the whole story… In your own words…  
\- F-first… How long h-have I been a-asleep? - I stammer and cry all at once. Just great.  
\- Only about two minutes… Do not fret. - She caresses my face. - We still have a lot of time…  
She sits on the floor next to the bed I am laying in. Next to her lap is small, old fashioned tape voice recorder.  
I think about this situation. At one point, I don’t want to be here forever. I am afraid I will be taken as crazy. I don’t want to be here any longer than just to meet with Yuri’s mother. On the other hand, is she telling the truth, or just eases up doctors and nurses and plans something mad about me?  
\- If not for me… Then for your safety… Safety of your body… Safety of your mind… - She puts her head on the wall and looks at me. - I may only be observing. It all comes down to you and your decisions… _  
_I feel my chin shaking.  
\- A-after about a year of fight, I came here… And finally received peace… I… I am sorry that I treated you with disrespect… - I basically cry these words out. Yuri’s mother stops recording.  
\- You are a very brave and mature young lady. Surviving such long time, with basically no help, I admire you. And I am certain your caregivers are proud of who you become. Now… - She stops speaking and looks deep into my eyes. - Are you sure you can stay safe?  
I sniffle and nod. - B-but I don’t want any medicine, p-please…  
\- I will do my best to not let you any – She replies and caresses my cheek. I hug her tightly. A fellow mental person that gives me hope to walk and try to be the best version of myself. Doors open again. Yuri’s mother nods. Doctor seems to catch her thoughts, as I don’t hear anything. Lady speaks to me and shakes me a little.  
\- I want you to stay true to yourself. Our time has come to an end. Of this visit, I mean, uhuhu~ Remember, if not for yourself, for your new family and new friends.  
\- Thank you, mother… - Yuri exhales. - I remember that whenever I had a problem, you and father have always been there for me…  
\- And I always will be there for you… It is time, girls. Be brave. I believe in you.  
We walk out of the hospital, Yuri is everything but happy.  
\- I had no idea… I am sorry… - She tries to blame herself.  
\- I never told anyone. I wanted to forget. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me anymore. - I sigh. - Being back there in hospital was a nightmare. And knowing I was there without any good reason doubles the pain of the memories. Remember, Yuri, you didn’t know, and if not for that, you would have never guessed.  
\- But…  
\- No buts, please… - I sigh. - One thing I want is… I want to be treated like normal person. And let’s not forget whom we need to bring back to the light.  
She nods and we walk to our homes. We stop together at my house. From there I observe Yuri until she catches a bus and disappears in it. Then I walk back into my house. Exhaustion takes over me and I just dress up in nightgown and go to sleep, tightly hugging my teddy bear that night.  
Sound of my phone ring wakes me up. Half asleep I pick it up.  
\- Ngh, hello? - I sound very sleepy.  
\- Oh, I am sorry, I thought you are awake by now… - It’s Yuri. - I-I really am sorry… I should have known, after yesterday afternoon, and all that…  
\- Ugh, hold on! - I say a little to loudly. I take phone away from my ear to see it light up and notice it’s already 9AM. I try to wake myself up a little and I massage my face. - I’m sorry, I didn’t want to sound rude.  
\- Apology accepted – She replies. - Well, I thought we could meet and do the nice banner, and write these magnificent words.  
\- Fine, do you need something? - I ask.  
\- Everything is attached in text message I sent to you an hour ago, along with my address.  
I am silent for a moment. - I just realized something.  
\- What would that be? - Yuri asks curiously.  
\- Have I told you how much I know about Monika and her lies? - I ask, more woke.  
\- I have heard from Sayori it is an enormous amount of data – Yuri replies.  
\- She will use her charm and come to my house, telling some bullshit like “Oh, my printer just ran out of ink, and since it’s Sunday, no point is open” - I say, trying to put Yuri on right path. Seems like for nothing.  
\- Hmm. I don’t think I understand what you mean.  
I groan. - Can’t tell yet. On Monday, deal?  
\- I hold your word! - She says happily. - Well, try to look moderately good and rush! After all, you meet with Sayori in the afternoon.  
\- Well okay then, see you. - I say and hang up. I check the weather in mobile app. Not too warm with high chance of chilling. I need to dress warmly.  
Digging in my wardrobe, I take gray sweatpants, black tights, black t-shirt with some wing motives, Harrington style jacket and favorite white sneakers. I take my large red bag and pack few things I had at home from list Yuri sent me. I walk down and find some banknotes attached to the fridge with magnet, along with letter.

_For the bravest girl in the world.  
Beloved, Lena and David_

About $100. Could suit myself for few weeks. I take the money into my dark blue snake skin styled wallet. I pack it all, lock the door and run map app for finding Yuri’s house. On my way I step into a small store to buy things I was unable to find at home. After that I still have quite a lot of money. After about fifteen minutes of my usual pace of walk, I arrive at the house. An elder lady is working in small veggie garden. House has cottage style to it. Blue windows and front door, flowers planted on the path, small lamp above the door.  
\- Good morning, Miss. - I bow. - My name is Natalie, I am a friend of Yuri. I came here to work with her on school festival preparations.  
\- Ah, you are that sunny girl she told me about! - She speaks. - Yuri is probably in her bedroom, upstairs. Doors are open, walk freely in!  
\- Thank you! - I smile and walk in. Out of pure manners, I take off my shoes. Floor is made out of natural wood, yet it is very warm. Flooring heating? I remember my aunt made something similar in her house. Every room is described with a charming sign. With that I find Yuri’s room without problem. I knock on the door.  
\- Who is it? - She asks.  
\- It’s me, Natalie – I reply. - I hope I bought the right things.  
She opens the door. Instead of uniform or beige sweater, she is wearing blue jeans and black t-shirt with some music band album. Her arms are still covered in bandages.  
\- Hello, I guess you must have met my grandmother. Come on in. - She closes the door. - She knows I do this… She understands.  
\- How do you feel overall? - I ask.  
\- I have been fine these past few days. The thought of defeating Monika once and for all encourages me to do a lot of things. Would you like some tea? I have decided to try to grow my own tea plant. For now… It is still in early phase, so I can offer some bought one.  
\- Earl Grey please. With one spoon of brown sugar – I request. Yuri nods.  
\- Very well. While I will be away, you can sort the products on the floor. - And with that she disappears.  
I take a look at her room. A large, in-wall bookshelf is in the center. Between that and window stands large bed. In another end, a sophisticated, old looking black desk with slim laptop on it. Some papers with something scribbled on them lay on the left. Desk has about six same size drawers, three on each side. Above it all, on the wall, there is a cork board with some small notes and Yuri’s picture, probably taken when there was a school photography session in school. Reminds me of my days in elementary school. Back to the window, on there is seen Yuri’s phone in black case and a family photo from years back. Quite a lot of family. I take it and examine it a little more.  
Picture is taken in front of fireplace, in the evening. Way down there is small Yuri, wearing long white girly dress and smiling widely. Her hands are up and held by her parents. I can see her father from that day. He seems to have been a kind and elegant man. Wearing a perfectly tailored suit, he seems like he was elegant, yet kindhearted and very family oriented. I see a lot of people similar of looks to him, around his age. Probably her father had quite a lot of family. Mother is wearing peach, frilly princess style dress, she looks like she is about to giggle. Hair tided up in pristine hair-do. Way up in the picture I spot Yuri’s grandmother, younger for about ten to fifteen years. Yet something bothers me. Seeing quite a lot of father’s family, how is that mother is alone?  
I hear a cup being put on the small, square table there was in another end of room. I turn back, and Yuri spots my doings. I ask her about my thoughts.  
\- Oh, it’s very simple – She replies kindly. - My mother, as opposed to my father, is a single child. Her father, that is my maternal grandfather, passed away when she was at the college. She loved him dearly and told me she had to take a year off to cope with loss. And about my maternal grandmother, she passed away when I was about two months old.  
I nod. - Thanks for telling me, Yuri. So you live with your paternal grandmother.  
She nods as well. - Yes. Grandfather passed away about three years ago, peacefully in his sleep. I promised grandmother that after festival ends, I will go to tidy up his grave.  
I look down and think on how to tackle this problem. Yuri notices me thinking and sits beside me, with worried expression on her face.  
\- Is something the matter? - She asks.  
\- Since this is your paternal grandmother… Is she angry for what your mother has done to her child?  
\- Absolutely not! In fact, she always says how she is the daughter she dreamed of. Kind, gentle, family oriented, and so light in presence. She… Knew my mother had some issues way back in the past… - She gives me a quick glance. - I-I don’t want to talk about it yet, b-but… She loves her very much. She told me when my father first brought her to family meeting, she was amazed not by her looks or clothing, but understanding of human. How she could crack people’s minds in barely few quick phrases.  
I nod. - Thank you for being so open with me on such delicate topic. It sure is intriguing and leaves you curious for more.  
She giggles. - No, thank you for listening. To be fair… You are the first person to hear that.  
A small, kitsch anime styled clock turns alarm on. It says something in Japanese I am unable to even process. Yuri turns it off and notices my frown, and as if reading in my mind, she takes some loose paper and writes down Japanese text, transcription and translation. Transcription goes somewhat like this:

“ _Ohayo! Boku Norakuro! Okiru jikan, dayo! Okira!”_

Which Yuri translated to me as:

“ _Hello! The name’s Norakuro! It’s time to wake up! Wake up!”_

When turned off, it says:

“ _Kyoo wa genki de nee!"_

Which can be translated as:

“ _Please take care of yourself today!”_

\- This is such a silly clock, yet my heart is just unable to throw it away – Yuri laughs. - I got this on my first day of school. Norakuro is a character from an old war-time manga of the same name. I never had a chance to read it. Now excuse me, I need to change my bandages.  
I smile and let her be. When she comes back, I say: - So you do not despise manga, after all.  
She bursts out laugh. When laughing like that, Yuri’s teeth are well seen, especially fangs.  
\- Who ever said I despise it? I respect it, I think it is a fun turn on literature. It may not be as descriptive as usual books, but images help you with putting author’s view on that topic.  
Now I hold out chuckle because I remembered a meme about poem analysis. I tell that to Yuri and she giggles as well. I stand up and walk to the desk to take a sip of tea.  
\- Way in my home country once I went for some sociological meeting organized by school. - I spark up a conversation. - There I heard a phrase that rhymes nicely in my native language, but loses rhyme in English. “Point of view depends on point of sit”.  
Yuri nods. - It does make sense, though. And I believe this is important.  
I take another sip and we do a banner. Yuri came up with idea of putting four parts, with club members silhouettes on the background of corresponding color.  
\- I decided to put our eye colors as a reference. Someone once said “Eyes are the mirror to the soul”. And it checks out in our case. Sayori has blue eyes. And she tends to feel blue from time to time. Mine are purple. Color associated with royalty and elegance. Natsuki’s eyes are pink. Cute and sweet, just like her. And Monika’s eyes are deeply emerald. Like lush grass, or a beautiful stone in a ring or necklace. A symbol of good and health.  
\- And I am left out alone… - I half joke. Yuri looks sadly noticing that indeed there is no place for me. She wants to apologize, but I quickly explain. - No, I am just teasing. Look, it makes me think “Wait, there are four girls on the banner but five in the club. That must mean the one who made that picture must have been the fifth girl.”  
Yuri looks in amazement at my insight. - It may sound odd coming from me, but you do share a lot of traits from us all.  
\- Do I really? - I ask. - Never thought about that.  
\- You have a special touch to a human’s heart, like Sayori. You are well-read and intelligent, similar to me. You laugh at simple things, same as Natsuki. And along with Monika, you both share some great leadership skills.  
Huh. Who would have thought. I just shrug and paint the banner in assigned colors. When I was coloring Monika’s pose, we heard knocking on the door. We looked up. It was Yuri’s grandmother.  
\- You are so busy with working that you probably forgot about eating! - She jokes and enters the room with plate of home made cheesecake and two smaller plates. She puts it on the small table, cuts it and puts slices on plates. - Now, girls, eat before it will get cold!  
\- Thank you, Miss – I bow a little.  
\- Why thank you, grandmother – Yuri replies. - We are close to finishing and I think it will give us some energy boost.  
Elder lady smiles. - Now, you girls treat yourself, I will be downstairs in the living room. My favorite TV game show starts in few minutes. Have fun!  
As she leaves the room, Yuri smiles dreamily to herself. - What would I have done without her help…  
\- She sure loves you – I say.  
\- She has been raising me for these past few years. And has raised me very well, I think. - She makes a hard thinking face, as if she remembered something. - I know you do not live with your biological parents, but… Do you miss them?  
I close my eyes and avoid Yuri’s gaze. - I am sorry… I don’t want to talk about that. About my past. - I take a cake plate and bite a little. - It’s not just you. I don’t like talking about it with anyone.  
\- I understand… We all have things we do not want to share with world at any cost… - She looks down at the banner. - As a way of apologizing, allow me to train you a little in calligraphy.  
\- Fine – I reply with small smile, eating cake. After I finish it, I sit beside Yuri and take lessons from her. We start with some simple hiragana characters. It’s actually a lot of fun. It requires a lot of patience and slow moving, to make letters look distinguished and well written.  
\- Very well. Try this word on your own – Yuri encourages me and gives me a specific paint brush.  
Few slow yet confident moves and the outcome is good for a beginner. I am unable to read it, but looks nice to me. Dum-dum I am. As I finish about tenth page, my phone rings out loud with heavy rock song “Taxi Drivers Must Die”. I walk to see it’s Sayori calling. I put her on speaker.  
\- Na-ta-lieee! Where are you? We were meant to work together, haven’t we?  
I chuckle, Yuri does the same. - What time is it, do you have something to do in late afternoon that you want to meet up that badly?  
\- No, but my parents said that if we do a good job, you will be treated with home made dinner! - Just like Sayori. Always talking about food.  
\- Okay, I am at Yuri’s house, I was finishing this part of preparations. I will grab my things, go home and right to you, is that okay?  
\- Sure! I can’t wait to show you my concepts! - Her happiness must be contagious. - You will meet my daddy, too! O-oh, I am sorry… I-I forgot Yuri… Y-you know…  
\- I can hear you, Sayori – Yuri speaks up. - I am not angry.  
\- Yay! - Sayori beams. - Okay okay, so you finish your duties and I will tell my mom to start it all soon! See ya!  
And she hangs up. I turn to Yuri. - I have an idea.  
\- What is it? - She looks at me curiously.  
\- Can you write some “thank you” message on one card, with tips on how to write it, as a way of a training for me?  
\- Of course. This will take a moment.  
She takes some paper and writes some characters with indicators of movements. On her desk I grab some ink pen and a thick paper. I slowly rewrite it all and look at the outcome. It’s shaky in some places, but it still looks like a strong seven out of ten. I pack my things back to my bag and Yuri decides to walk me to the front door. When downstairs, Yuri notices her grandmother fell asleep in armchair. Dressed in gray sports jacket, she walks to her and shakes her a little.  
\- Grandmother… Natalie is going home – She says.  
\- Huh? - Yuri’s grandmother looks around. - Oh my, I fell asleep again. That’s why I love this game show, always puts me to sleep.  
We giggle and I step a little to the front with the paper I wrote. - Miss… I wanted to thank you for a warm welcome to your house. I will try my best to visit sometime in the future. Please… Accept this small card I wrote myself, with some help from your granddaughter. I shall go now. _Sayonara_. - I bow and walk out the door back home. While searching for some music playlist, I look at the time. 2PM. I will probably get to Sayori at best around 3. I planned to stay up to 7 or 8 PM. I definitely don’t want to stay for a sleepover. This will come some other time.  
While digging at home for some nice things, I get another call from Sayori. I pick up laughing.  
\- Don’t you know how to text? - I joke.  
\- Eeeh?! Meanie! - She jokes back. - I think voice is the magic to the words! But anyway, will you be able to step into some store to buy few things? I was unable to find it in my sides…  
\- I will try my best – I reply and pick up some paper and pen. Sayori tells me things she wants me to buy or take from home if I have some. That way my bag becomes a bit lighter. And so I narrow it all down up to about seven things to buy. I end a call and before I exit my room, I notice my two identical desk calendars and a cookie jar, barely touched. I think I ate one cookie and they didn’t fit my taste. I grab one calendar and a cookie jar and pack them to my bag. Checking everything again, I write message in case if one of my caregivers came home when I am not around yet.

“ _Went to Sayori at around 2:20 PM. I plan to come back around 7 to 8 PM._

_Natalie”_

I hang it on the fridge and walk out of home, locking the door. When in Sayori’s area, I take a look at the home across from her. It has board “For sale” with a number to a local real estate agency. It looks rather big and quite luxurious. Guess it must have been where that guy lived with his family.  
\- If you are looking for this boy’s parents, they left the town over three months ago – I hear a mature male voice behind me. I turn back and see a man in early forties standing in front of Sayori’s house. Must be Sayori’s dad.  
\- Oh, no, sir, I was just looking at the house – I explain and walk further to him. - Actually I came to Sayori. I am Natalie, we have calculus together and both are in Literature Club. We are preparing stuff for festival.  
\- Ah, you’re that girl she chatters so much about. Very well, come on in – We both enter house and I take off my shoes. - Oh forgive me my manners, hold on, where are they… - Man digs in shoe shelf, I think in search of some slippers. Japanese tradition, I think I read something about that.  
\- Sir, if it’s not the problem, allow me to walk freely barefoot. I don’t want to be rude, but I need to rush to Sayori’s room and finish pre-  
\- Natalie! - Sayori beams from upstairs and rushes down to lock me in a hug. - So you met my daddy already?  
I giggle. - Yes, kind of.  
\- I am sorry, so many people want to see that house I forgot to greet you well. Now go up and do that stuff.  
Sayori giggles and basically pulls me upstairs. On way to her room I pass her mom.  
\- Welcome, Miss, I am sorry, as you can see, we are quite busy… Whaa! - Sayori pulls me a little too hard and I trip. - Oomph!  
\- Oh no, are you okay? - Sayori’s mom walks to me and helps me stand up. I shake my bag. No sound of broken glass. Good. I dust myself off.  
\- Yeah, I am fine, thank you for your concern and help – I reply kindly.  
She smiles. - I will go downstairs now, I prepared some hot chocolate for you girls. I put it in Sayori’s room. Dinner will be ready in about an hour.  
\- _Arigato_ – I bow and walk to Sayori’s room. It’s surprisingly clean. On the floor there are giant papers with lots of words on them. Sayori herself is wearing pink sweater, blue shorts and some simple white socks. She notices me looking at her feet.  
\- I get cold from the feet! - She makes a guilty face. - Don’t judge me!  
I just scoff, grin and pull up my pants’ leg. - I feel you. All I want to say.  
\- Did you remember to buy the things I told you? - She asks.  
\- Yup. Also, I have two gifts for you. - I first pick up calendar. It has seaside motives.  
\- Uwah! Thank you so much! I was just thinking about new calendar, as you can see, the one I have on wall is… Well… In poor shape, ehehe… - I take a look and it has so many random points it’s a miracle anything can be read there. There are also some writings but I am unable to decipher them from that far. When I turn back, Sayori is carefully putting calendar on her desk. I give her cookie jar next.  
\- I tried them but they didn’t fit my taste, I only ate one – I explain.  
\- Cookies! I love cookies! They go great with hot chocolate! - She smiles. - Speaking of which… - She stands up and gives me a Christmas themed mug with two reindeer, having red and blue noses and wearing blue and red scarves, respectively.  
\- Thank you. - I take a sip of hot drink. - Mm, delicious, I need to get a recipe from your mom.  
\- Okay, but we will have to go hang posters at school later! - She says. I frown.  
\- Isn’t school closed today? - I ask, but Sayori shakes her head.  
\- There is a chess tournament out there. Lots of students are in to watch. - After a moment of silence, she adds: - And daddy called the principal and we can freely hang the posters! But we better get ready to make them!  
I smile and draw, and write, and decorate. I am so focused on my duty that I don’t even notice when Sayori takes a picture of me with a Polaroid camera.  
\- You look so cool when you’re so focused, Natalie! - She says and shows me the picture. Indeed, I am deeply focused on work, seen from profile, looking down on something. Expressionless at first glance, after deeper analysis I have teeny-tiny smirk on my face.  
\- Heh. How about we pin this on one poster? - I give out an idea. Sayori’s eyes open wide.  
\- You really don’t mind?! - She asks, and I just giggle. She sticks it to one poster and I finish the work on that one.  
I do about two more posters when we hear knocking on the door. As we turn to the door, we notice it’s Sayori’s mom calling us for dinner. We walk downstairs.  
\- Today’s menu – ramen! I love ramen! Thank you, mommy! - Sayori hugs her mom tightly.  
\- So, as you see, Sayori does love us – Sayori’s dad makes a point. - How is that I didn’t meet your parents, Natalie? I know most people in this town.  
I stop eating and start feeling really uncomfortable. Sayori steps in.  
\- Daddy! I told you Natalie’s _biological_ parents are way back in her home country! - She emphasizes word “biological”. - She lives here with her adoptive ones.  
\- I am sorry, Sir, I don’t want to sound rude, but I do not consider these people my parents. Rather caregivers. - I say quietly. I take a look at Sayori’s mom, who seems to know something.  
\- I met your “adoptive mom” one day at the shop. She was so kind and generous, that day I had a lot of things to buy and not everything fitted into the cart. So she took some heavier things and packed them to my car. - She smiles. - A truly heart of gold.  
Sayori’s dad looks down, as if ashamed of his actions. - I am sorry, it must have slipped my mind. I work so hard to keep my family happy that I tend to forget about such plain things.  
\- Apology accepted. Just… - I take a deep breath. - Let’s not talk about my past. It’s a painful topic.  
\- U-understood – He nods and we continue eating. We chat occasionally when Sayori nudges me and whispers:  
\- I want to tell them. You know…  
I think about all the outcomes and stuff. When I see everyone finished eating, I nod to let Sayori speak.  
\- Mommy… Daddy… Remember when a year ago my friend Natsuki rescued me upstairs? - Sayori’s parents nod. - It was… Not a coincidence… I need your help… I am unable to do this alone anymore… I… - Sayori’s eyes are full of tears. She looks up to them, sad, as if she was hurting them. - I suffer from depression… I have been attending secret meetings, for many years, but my doctor recently said that without your help… I may not progress…  
Parents seem shocked, they look at each other, as if in “Where have we made a mistake?” look. Sayori smiles sadly.  
\- I want you to be here with me, for me… Not all the time, but more than ever… Do you understand?  
\- I assure you it’s not a joke – I speak up to ease their worries. - One day Sayori invited me to her house, I was about to help her with homework and test revising. She… Had sort of attack. I helped her the best way I could. But just like she said, being around friends and going on regular visits will not help her that much. I understand you have jobs, but the question is: Do you need to work that much? Do you spend so much money that you are forced to take overtime hours in order to pay bills and whatnot?  
I stand up and go to Sayori’s room. There I pack things needed for poster hanging. I walk downstairs and put on my shoes and jacket.  
\- I have to go now. Please think about what your daughter shared with you. Stay safe. All of you. - I walk out in silence and go to school. There around the hallways, I hang the posters. I think about Sayori. Will she be understood? Will her parents support her in that difficult fight?  
I stop on some wall and sit next to it, with my head between my legs. I don’t know how long I am sitting like that, but some time later I feel someone is pulling my sleeve. I look up and see a… Weird girl. Green hair, green eyes, dark skin, green uniform. Even her high socks are green.  
\- Yo, you asleep or somethin’? - She asks with weird accent. But then as if she got enlightened, she asks: - You’re the friend of Natsuki, ain’t ya? She’s like, my BFF, but also like, a total rival, but we help each other from time to time, you know what I’m sayin’?  
I nod, not entirely sure of her trait of thoughts.  
\- Oh gee, my manners! Wahaha! Name’s Midori! I am in the cooking club! Natsuki wanted to join us one day but we had our ovens filled! Get it?! Ahaha~! Anyway, I am unable to contact her, but I heard she plans on doing her super duper amazing cupcakes on Festival, so tell her if she likes, she can heat ‘em up in our club room before events begin!  
\- Uh, okay. Thanks. - I reply and stand up, packing my things.  
\- Gotta go now, and you too! - Weird girl makes a strong pose. - My duty today was to check school for any unusual situations! Shoo! Now! School’s closed! - She literally pushes me to the entrance. Outside, I think “What the hell just happened?”. I scratch my head and walk home. I hope Sayori and her family are going to be okay…  
Before I enter home, I look at the time. 5PM? Huh. I look up and see lights are on. Someone’s inside. I walk in, calling my arrival. Lena peeks from the kitchen.  
\- Natalie, you’re already home? But you mentioned you plan on coming home much later! - She says.  
\- Let’s say there was a sudden change of plans – I say and sit in the living room.  
\- You look pale, let me do something nice for you. - She digs in cupboards and shelves. - How about french toasts?  
\- Sounds good. I am hungry, even though I ate dinner at Sayori’s – I reply.  
\- Something bad happened, right? - She asks.  
\- Depends. You know how Sayori suffers from depression?  
\- Yes, poor girl. You told me it haunts her for many years, correct?  
I nod. - Today she finally told her parents. I went out early to let them talk about it just in family circle.  
\- Wise decision. - Lena walks to me with big plate full of toasts in one hand and two smaller ones with forks in another. - Well, how Marco’s Bistro slogan said, “Eat ‘till you explode”! Ahaha!  
I laugh out loud at her perfect reference and eat up. About five minutes later David comes home and joins us for a lazy meal. We all are having a nice evening.  
\- Natalie, explain this wonder to me – He says. - How something so simple can be so delicious and stuffy?  
We all laugh at that joke. We chat a lot when my phone buzzes. Two messages. One from Natsuki and another from Monika.

_**Natsuki:** Hey! If you don’t mind, my papa will be home tomorrow, and he can take us on a big shopping spree! And he said he wants me to do dinner, as a way of thanks. No need to make a dumb list, we will take everything when we get to the mall!  
_ _**Monika:** Hello, Natalie! I hope you had a good day today, and I hope it has been productive as well! Unfortunately I am unable to invite you to my place, as my parents are holding an important meeting for their job there, and they said it would be inappropriate for me to scoot around. So I decided to meet with you at your place! I can’t wait to meet your new family! I am sure they are kind just like you! I don’t need anything except for a lot of paper and maybe additional box of printer ink. Have a good sleep and see you soon!_

I take a breath after reading Monika’s message. Of course she’d make another lie. And that romantic feelings even in text… Brr.  
\- What’s up, Natalie? - David asks. - That Monika still bothering you?  
\- Yeah… I need to meet with her tomorrow, we will be printing pamphlets for festival. - I look at them. - You’re both free tomorrow, right?  
\- Yes, why do you ask? - Lena is curious. So in order to prepare well for Monika’s scheme, I tell them all lies Monika created and in details what she has done to the girls and that boy. And my mission to wreck it all and make her learn.  
\- I had no idea it was so terrible… - Lena turns to David. - Now I feel sorry for myself that I doubted you. You survived so long, so many mischievous acts, and you still fight… I don’t think I would be able to pull it off as well as you.  
\- Okay, how about this – David says. - Tuesday is a free day, right? Cleaning and stuff. So how about we all go for a best friends and parents meeting? I have these vouchers from work for that new restaurant downtown, heard the food is delicious! Just tell me how many people there would be aside from us, and I’ll get enough of them. That way, instead of telling one by one, you will unveil secrets to all of them?  
I look displeased at David. - Nice plan, but personally I think it would wreck too many souls.  
They both just look at each other, deep in thoughts. We all laugh one last time and I hug them. I walk upstairs, take a long bath and go to sleep.  
I have a weird dream. Everyone at Yoro Falls, we are eating Natsuki’s home made onigiri. Everyone is happy, chatting, observing the views. We all pick up our different writing items and write something. We are touched by Sayori’s performance, left in thoughts by Yuri’s, two-sided by Natsuki’s, engaged by Monika’s. It all comes down to me. I make a cracked smile as I stand back right to the water.  
Back in real life, I feel someone shaking my body.  
\- ‘Sup? - I ask totally asleep.- Well, young lady, I hate to do this, but that friend of yours is here already – I hear David’s voice and immediately come back to senses.  
\- WHAT?! - I rub my eyes and shake my head to wake up quicker. - How long already?  
He laughs. - Hold your horses! Just about fifteen minutes. Lena served her coffee and cookies.  
\- Well it’s fifteen minutes TOO LONG – I say deadly serious and push David away from my room. - Sorry, gotta dress up!  
Back with closed door, I take a breath and wonder what should I wear. Will she surprise me and wear something casual, or to not seem suspicious she wears uniform? Ohh shoot! I pick up my most generic and plain gray sweater and black jeans. I put some gray socks, brush my hair, put very little bit of powder on my face and walk down.  
\- … And I told her I admire her writing, but I think she feels too insecure to admit compliment to herself – I hear Monika talking. I peek a little. She and Lena are sitting in living room, drinking coffee and chatting. “Time to be a fucking hero”, as Monika said once. I inhale and walk out of the wall.  
\- Oh, Natalie, there you are! - Lena spots me, I slowly walk down, but my heart is beating like crazy. - I had no idea Monika is such a nice person!  
I see she pushes her tongue a little on the side, showing me sign she is aware that she is lying. I smirk.  
\- Eh, it’s nothing. I mean Monika is a good writer, and has a lot of talents. - I sit down. Monika is wearing white blouse with buffed sleeves and silver, glittery stripe on each arm and blue, slim pants. She smiles cheerfully, and it creeps me out.  
\- Your caregivers are rather nice, Natalie! - Monika says, and David joins for a moment.  
\- Thank you, young lady. Now I am sorry, but there’s this project that has been on hold for way too long. So if anyone needs me, I am in the garage. - He quickly scoots out. Phew.  
\- I need to catch up with some documents as well – Lena says. “And you, Brutus, against me?” I think to myself. - Have fun, girls!  
\- Oh we sure will! - Monika smiles, and as soon as Lena closes the door to her bedroom, she puts her cup on the coffee table and looks at me with her usual look. - Now… What shall we do today?  
\- I think I have an idea for a poem I will be performing – I break her trait of romantic thoughts. - But if you’d just stepped into my room…  
\- It’s far too late for that, Natalie – Oh, she knows that quote. Surprising. Although on the other hand… - Ahaha, I’m kidding! There is a lot of work! Actually just on Friday afternoon, when I came back from school and tried to check my files for festival, first my text editor broke, and then whole computer. Talk about bad luck!  
“You mean you broke it or just made a shit of an excuse?” I think, but instead nod in understanding. - But you do have the copy of the file, or at least poems everyone decided to perform?  
\- Yes, I have poems hand rewritten in my bag. - She takes her brown bag as she says that and we walk to my room. I turn my laptop on and write in password as Monika looks at my small personal bookshelf.  
\- Surprised with my choices? - I ask. - There should be a book or two in my native language.  
I run all needed programs like text editor and image editor and turn back to see Monika holding dark green book with silver decorations and large word “Stigmata” on it. Frowning, clearly unable to understand a single word. I giggle.  
\- What’s so funny? - She asks totally oblivious.  
\- That you just picked one of books in my native language – I say. - Basically this book is about a teenager who goes on some camp and lands in some twisted mystery connected to her family. Let’s see…  
\- So the reason I do not understand a thing is that it’s written in a language I simply do not understand? - She asks.  
\- Yup. Pretty much.  
I walk to the shelf and find two more, part of a series finished in English, but not in my native language. I take purple colored one. - This one’s called “Unearthly”. Angel like stuff. - I put this book back on shelf and pick up blue colored one. - And this is sequel, if I remember correctly English title was “Hallowed”, but due to my home country being weird in terms of translating books, if we translated this title back to English, it would be “Angelic”. Parts three and four weren’t released in my native language, and I don’t remember their titles either. But enough of that stuff. Let’s get to work.  
As I sit on the office chair, I open desk drawer and pull out a sack of tangerines. I cut the sack with my scissors and give one fruit to Monika.  
\- Really? Can I have one? - She’s playing with me. I need to stay strong.  
\- Sure thing. What kind of human I’d be if I didn’t share with you.  
Monika smiles. She is really happy. - Thank you! Do you like tangerines?  
\- Yeah. Back in my home country tangerines were a common ingredient of Christmas gifts. - I chuckle. - I joke that in summer we eat watermelons, and tangerines in winter.  
\- That’s interesting piece of tradition! - She says. - Maybe I will visit your country one day, when I will be more mature.  
\- Yeah, good luck – I stop paying attention and check my desktop really quickly. All unnecessary files are coded and locked with password. If I went to bathroom, chances of Monika breaking into files are minimal.  
I nicely rewrite everything Monika asked me to. I leave my poem for the last page. I put some totally random haiku styled poem.

_**Hope** _

_One day my dream  
_ _Will no longer be  
_ _Just a piece of imagination  
But a strong and believable force  
  
_I double check in case of misspellings or spellcheck dumbness, but everything seems right. My phone screams with a well known tune. I take it off from charger and look at the screen. It’s barely 12PM. Natsuki is calling. I pick up, not caring Monika is around.  
\- ‘Sup? - I smile.  
\- Hey, is Monika still around? - Really? That’s the first thing she asks? I can’t hold myself back.  
\- What, are you jealous? - I smile jokingly.  
\- Ngh! You wish! I’m not even romantically into girls! - Ah, sweet, tsundere Natsuki.  
\- Well, back in my home country we have a saying, “For life to have a bit of spice, once with boy, once with girl” - I tease her even more.  
\- I’m not into Monika! Get it? - “Okay, one last time before she will hate you” I laugh in mind.  
\- Oh my~ - I make a silly, romantic voice. - I feel flattered, Natsuki~ Who will get whom on a date?  
\- Dummy! I’m not into you either! - She sure is pissed.  
\- Okay, I was just joking – I giggle. - What’s up, wanted something?  
\- Kinda – She replies. - Would you be able to take some things from house if you have them? I sent you a message some time ago.  
\- Sorry, I had my phone charging and was busy with work – I reply. - I will get right into it and send you a reply.  
\- Deal! Say, got any allergies?  
I frown, thinking. - Nothing I am aware of. I can eat anything. Thanks for your concern.  
\- Tsk! I just don’t want to accidentally kill you, dummy! - It’s so good to see Natsuki back to her old self.  
\- And I appreciate it. See you in about two hours?  
\- Yeah! Papa can’t wait to see me do meals! See ya! It will be a masterpiece! - Confident. I always liked that in her.  
\- Sure, bye. - I hang up and dig a little in messages. I got messages with additional poems. I find message from Natsuki and think a little.  
\- Is something wrong? - Monika asks.  
\- Oh, no, I just need to go downstairs to check for some items Natsuki asked me to bring. She says she doesn’t have it at home and is afraid buying it is going to harshly rip their home budget. You know how it is.  
Monika nods. - Okay, I understand. I’ll be fine there.  
\- Right – I reply and take a look at the laptop screen. I try to remember as much as I can. I take a look at desktop and switch back to text editor. I walk downstairs, find some paper bag in cupboards and proceed to finding stuff from list. Lena notices my hopelessness.  
\- What are you doing? - She asks.  
\- Natsuki asked me to take few things for food making – I explain.  
\- Okay, but let’s do it together – She smiles and puts everything back to her order. - After all, kitchen is like my kingdom.  
We laugh and I tell her all things needed. We finish in ten minutes.  
\- Next time ask me for help, okay? - Lena pats my head and I walk back to my room. Before I enter, I walk really quietly.  
I stop close to the door and listen, in hopes of my trap being set. I hear clicking.  
\- Ugh, how can you be so smart? - Monika grunts. She probably tries to unlock some files.  
She must be searching for clues in my desk and basically whole room. I smirk and look at my deep pocket in pants. I listen more.  
\- Also, what is this naming? What language is this?  
I decide to break her escapade. I enter just as she tries to break the password.  
\- Having fun snooping around on people? - I ask with deadly serious voice. Monika spots me.  
\- Ah! N-Natalie! I-I-I just wanted to print the pamphlets, a-and tie them together, i-it’s not a big… - AH! - She screams as I shut the door loudly. I smirk.  
\- And you claim to be the intelligent person… Ex member of Debate Club… President of Literature Club… What kind of dirt did you want to find? Do you hate your friends so much that you will walk through corpses in order to get to the one you want?  
\- I have no idea what you are talking about! - She tries to lure me away. Pathetic.  
\- Certainly. Oh well. Your time here comes to an end. - I sit down and print her dumb papers. I give it all to her. After she packs it into her bag, she asks me to show her way to the bathroom. I point and she walks there. I take a chance to change papers to those I made some time earlier. Just in time for her to come back.  
As we walk downstairs, Monika seems sad and ashamed. She just says “bye” and slowly walks away, tightly holding her bag.  
\- Have a nice day – I say loudly, and add a little quieter: - _In orphanage…  
_ Monika turns back as if someone ordered her to do so. - D-did you say something?  
\- I just wished you a nice day – I reply with bored voice.  
\- Ah!… Okay… Bye! - And she runs away. I sigh and walk back home to look at the clock in living room. 12:40PM. Natsuki said she will be here around 2. I can take a bath.  
I do so and take a relaxing bath. After that I set up washing machine for white clothes. I sort light colored and dark colored clothes into separate reusable bags. I go to my room and pick up some girly clothes. I take red checkered thighs, which are my favorite and also warm. White sweater with image of a cute girl, arms up in air, looking up, a progress bar filled with two sided sequins into half of the bar and words “sending virtual hug” written in glittery font. Beige pencil skirt, nothing too fancy. I decide to put a small makeup on my face. I take some blue tied boots, get needed stuff and hear a honk. I step down and bump into David.  
\- Whoa hey there! - He looks around. - Wait, you’re telling me Monika is away already?  
\- Yes, for about an hour – I reply. - I am going to Natsuki’s place now. Upstairs I set up white clothes washing. I separated light and dark colors so try to do it in free time, okay?  
\- Sure thing, have fun! - He shouts: - Get me some of those cupcakes if you can!  
I giggle. - No promises! - And thus I jump into car.  
\- Your “dad” huh? - Natsuki asks.  
\- Yes. Oh, _hajimemashite, Sensei_ – I bow and speak in my broken Japanese again. I fasten my seat belt and we go to a mall. Natsuki runs as if she knew this place by heart.  
\- We rarely go to such places together – Natsuki’s dad explains. - Usually it is just me who does shopping. Yet your visit last time made me realize I have been too strict towards my daughter.  
I nod. - Can I ask a question on sensitive topic, Sensei?  
\- Please go ahead – He replies quietly.  
\- It seems to me Natsuki is only child – I make a point. - Am I right?  
\- Yes, Natsuki is the only child. Although… - Man takes a deep breath. - I am sure that if my wife was still alive, she would dream of a large family. She used to say that if Natsuki grew up a little, she would love her to have a baby sibling.  
\- I understand – I reply. - Again, I am sorry for bringing back painful memories.  
\- Oh, do not be sorry – He replies. - I searched for help already, I took a day off work in order to get necessary help.  
I smile and we walk to the supermarket. Natsuki dives into every shelf, and everywhere finds something interesting. I know such stores have their secrets as well. I took my wallet with myself, but when I looked inside, I had no spare coins or banknotes. I hope my card is still operational. I quickly found one of infamous “short expiry date” price reduction shelf. I found some quick gluten free cake base 75% cheaper. I took two boxes and went to the crowded cash lines. Not even a minute passed and Natsuki was grunting already.  
\- Can it move any slower?! - Definitely irritated, she was bending over shopping cart. Her dad was not pleased.  
\- Natsuki, that is inappropriate.  
\- Oh come on, Papa! Don’t tell me you aren’t angry!  
“Shoot” I think. “It’s going to be wild.” But on the end of alley, I see the type of cash registers where you operate at your own pace. I tell them about it and we go there. Me aiding Natsuki’s dad, Natsuki on the other hand rushing there like there was no tomorrow. I go to a separate cash register and check my boxes. Natsuki notices that.  
\- You know… - She makes a defensive and a little ashamed pose. - We… We could pay for it… We’re not *that* poor…  
\- It’s okay. I wanted to try this myself at home. - I look at prices. - After all, it’s only about 800 yen a piece, nearly nothing.  
\- Exactly! Nearly nothing! - Natsuki tries to convince me. - We really…  
\- Natsuki, that is enough – Yoshinaga-Sensei breaks Natsuki’s talk. - Natalie-san is a responsible person and I am sure she can afford it herself.  
\- But Papa! - Natsuki whines. - Is it so much to try to be nice?! - Ooh. This will be a nice show. I try very hard not to grin, but to nothing. Natsuki’s face turns pink like her hair. - I-I mean… ACK! Let’s just go already!  
I look in understanding at Natsuki’s dad and I laugh out loud as she scoots away, and his laugh is quiet, yet deep.  
\- If I didn’t know her these past few days I’d ask her what’s wrong in being nice – I make a point and pack my things. In the end I also take two lollipops. Orange for myself and cream-raspberry for Natsuki. I help pack bags into car and we drive to Natsuki’s place again.  
Something has changed about this house. It’s bright, air seems light and fresh. Natsuki seems to notice my thinking face.  
\- Papa thought to make a bit of cleaning – She explains. - It really helped both of us.  
I nod. A thought popped to my mind, but I decided to ask it in a more private circumstances.  
\- Do what you want, I need to make dinner. And I hate when someone interrupts me! - Natsuki says with confidence.  
\- Just don’t eat it all! - I joke and rush to the stairs.  
\- Ugh! - She grunts and shouts: - At least I hope you will enjoy my food!  
I stop on the first floor and laugh out loud. Natsuki’s dad spots me.  
\- I am glad Natsuki cheers you up – He says. - She rarely talks with me. At least she has been doing so for past few years.  
\- I am sure that everything will change – I try to cheer him up. - I have a question.  
\- Come with me, please – He turns to what seems like his work room.  
Light blue walls and linoleum flooring. Dark wooden furniture and black leather sofa. Bookshelf filled with classic books and artists, from ancient Greeks to Camus. Some papers and old computer on desk. Next to screen stands same picture I saw in Natsuki’s bedroom.  
\- What would you like to know? - Male voice breaks my thoughts. I turn back and take a deep breath.  
\- Again, I am known for having a sharp tongue – I try to explain, but man chuckles.  
\- I doubt you can be worse than my daughter – He smiles. It’s oddly… Warm.  
\- I know by now it must have been around ten years since Natsuki lives without her mother, but… - I sit down on sofa. - Do you think she would… How to say this… Yearn for that motherly warmth?  
It seems Natsuki’s dad is deep in thought, as if he was analyzing every said word. He slowly blinks from time to time, but says nothing. Afraid I made a fool of myself, I say:  
\- I am sorry… I didn’t mean that… I should have known…  
\- You do make sense, Natalie-san – He says while I just blame myself. - She is an adult, but a very damaged one. Truth be told… - He looks away, ashamed. - There is a lady at my workplace… We often have projects together. She… I remember she asked me about three months ago if… Y-you know… - I smile compassionately and let him speak. - I did not decline, but did not agree either. Maybe… Maybe I should be a man and make my mind up. But…  
\- Sir, if you allow me, I will have a talk with Natsuki later – I try to ease man’s worries.  
\- Thank you very much, Natalie-san. - He smiles. - Somehow chatting with you eases my worries. As a way of thank you, I let you pick one book from my bookshelf. Do not worry, I read them all.  
I smile and walk to the bookshelf. So many good pieces of literature… Eventually I pick up a book I read about a year ago, but is a definitive classic and must-read. “The Godfather”.  
\- Perfect choice. Have you watched the movie? - He asks.  
I nod. - Book was better.  
We both giggle just in time for Natsuki calling us for dinner. As we walk down the stairs, I can smell some well made and delicious food. When I step into kitchen and immediately notice full table. Soup vase, some smaller pots, plates put in nice order, everything organized. My stomach growls of this amazing sight.  
\- Surprised? - Natsuki stands confident, her apron is all dirty. - Sit down and enjoy! I’ll go wash my hands.  
And she scoots away upstairs to probably clean her hands and throw apron to laundry. I take a better look at all the dishes. I see potatoes, some sauces, hot olive oil, freshly cut dill, meatballs, some rice, onigiri (wasn’t I dreaming about it last night?)… Good thing I didn’t eat anything back home and held myself from that lollipop.  
Natsuki sits down opposite of her dad and we all dive into different foods. I take a little bit of everything, yet I feel like I did too much. We make some occasional chit-chats and are having fun overall. I volunteer to clean the plates, noting I was the last to finish eating and it’s sort of tradition in my homeland.  
As I clean plates, I see Natsuki prepares for second round of cooking. That sight makes me remember to tell Natsuki one thing.  
\- Oh, I just remembered, yesterday when I was out at school with posters, some girl from Cooking Club approached me.  
Natsuki’s expression changes from focused to endangered, even angry. - I told them I am no longer interested in them! One club is enough for me!  
\- That’s not what I mean – I reply. - What I want to say is that a girl approached me and recognized we are both in Literature Club, and since she kind of bit you out of the competition, to ease the borders, she wants you to know that you can come to them to warm cupcakes up for the festival.  
Natsuki makes her classic “hmph” sound and crosses her arms. - If that’s the case, fine. But I won’t join them and will not be back on being besties with Midori.  
\- No one says you need to – I make a point, but Natsuki groans.  
\- I’ve known her for ages, we collide since elementary school. She always wanted to be around me and I always tossed her away. I don’t want to be friends with someone so dumb.  
I just make “uh” sound, frown and finish cleaning plates. I dry my hands and get ready for a big bake-off.  
\- First things first, ever baked anything? - Natsuki asks.  
\- Um, not really… - I decide to tell truth. My lies would come out to the light pretty quickly anyway. - Just don’t shout at me and we will be good, okay? I get… “Soft” when people shout at me instead of calmly explaining what I am doing wrong and what I should do properly.  
Natsuki puffs her cheeks, but looks to the side. - Am I such a monster?  
Oh crap. - No! I didn’t mean that. I just want honesty between us. T-to cheer you up, I tend to catch up pretty quickly.  
\- Fine, fine – She turns back and gives me a reassuring smile. We dive into different flavors of batter, colors of coloring, cream cone tip shapes, everything needed for baking.  
\- Hey, can I taste this rainbow batter? - I take a small, blue plastic spoon. Natsuki is surprised.  
\- You asked and took a spoon to that?  
\- Come on, I shouldn’t wreck this delicious and perfect batter with my filthy hands – I reply all serious and take a bit. Tastes like gingerbread cookies I always loved to eat around Christmas time. But Natsuki just looks at the batter and then into empty fields her house is surrounded by.  
\- He just took it without asking… I felt… Weird. I was angry at first, then he played both with me and with food…  
I decide to hold away from asking Natsuki if she misses that boy. Who knows if it’s actually painful to her?  
I hear some sizzling. I quickly turn off the gas flame and pour two cups of milk. One for myself and one for Natsuki.  
\- Have this – I give pink cup to her, holding purple one for myself.  
\- Thanks… For being such a good friend.  
\- I want to thank you too, for being an amazing person, strong and confident in her wills. - I take a sip of warm milk. - I hope tomorrow will not end in tragedy…  
\- Come on, don’t be so sad! - Natsuki says, trying to cheer me up. - I haven’t told you but Monika is mad already since Friday.  
\- In what way? - That news definitely picked up my interest.  
\- I was texting with her a little, and she is a totally different person in very private conversations, and basically she went like “How the...” she put an f-word here, “didn’t this” b-word again, “go back home crying and whining about her miserable life? She wrecks my plans!!!” and other stuff like that, and she meant Sayori by that. She was NUTS seeing Sayori so happy.  
I finish milk, clean cup and put it on dryer. - Well let’s hope she won’t see the change in texts.  
\- But you did write all our poems? - Natsuki asks.  
\- Yes, everything was nice. - I chuckle. - This morning when you called me and told me to get utensils, I walked down to get them, and when I came back upstairs, Monika was trying to break my files. But I coded them right on the beginning of the week, right after I came home and met all of you.  
\- She didn’t crack any of them? - Natsuki is both curious and surprised.  
\- Nope. Which I am surprised, because password was “dokidoki”, and file names were temporarily changed to their base64 code variants – I explain.  
\- I have no idea what the h*ck it is but I guess it’s a good thing – Natsuki says. - Alright, before the batter will turn into stone!  
We mix batters to make different flavors, and sometimes add coloring to make cupcakes in unusual colors, like red or yellow. After that Natsuki allows me to swirl some words on some cupcakes. Not knowing either hiragana, katakana or kanji, I write some English words. Mostly my feelings from this past week. Then to my surprise, Natsuki packs these cupcakes carefully into paper bag and gives it to me.  
\- What is this supposed to mean? - I ask, confused.  
\- I wanted to be nice and let you take few cupcakes. - Natsuki explains. - I am sure your “parents” will be satisfied.  
I smile and gently take the paper bag. - Thank you, Natsuki.  
\- Don’t be sad, I am sure there is something to be happy for – Natsuki looks to the side and I see some tears in her eyes. Her chin shakes. - T-that’s what mama always told me…  
I smile and pat Natsuki on her back. - I am sure she looks down on you and your dad and is grateful for having amazing husband and great daughter.  
I hug Natsuki, she doesn’t protest. She sobs quietly. Good thing I am flat in the chest area. Otherwise it would look weird. Some time must have passed, since I hear some coughing in the back. I turn my head to notice Natsuki’s dad observing us. I turn back to Natsuki.  
\- Guess it’s time for me – I smile. But Natsuki runs to her dad and hugs him even tighter. He doesn’t protest. He even looks glad to see such reaction.  
\- You can take a ride with us if you want – He says. - But get some jacket, it’s cold outside.  
\- Sir, give us about five more minutes – I say. - I need to do the cleaning, at least my things.  
\- Of course. I need to grab few things as well – He replies. I bow and clean my cooking stuff. Natsuki gets some denim jacket with a lot of sequin decors on it, I see bees, flowers, sun, all kind of girly stuff. I pack everything into another paper bag previously drying it all with paper towels. Ready to go, we walk outside and go to the car. Somewhere in the middle of the ride, in the car radio sounds a song I know very well. I can’t hold myself back.

_I can be weak  
_ _I can be powerful  
My emotions taking a hold of me  
Lock myself in  
Get sentimental  
Call it what you want  
This is what you get  
Live this moment  
Breathe the future_

_This is who I am  
Who I am  
This is who I am  
_ _Who I am  
_ _No more games or disbelieving  
This is who I am  
_ _Who I am  
This is who I am  
Who I am  
_ _Stop to analyze your feelings_

I sang whole song. Both Natsuki and her dad were amazed by my skills.  
\- So Yuri wasn’t lying when she said you have “the most mesmerizing voice in whole school, that even school choir falls down few steps”. - Natsuki says.  
\- And I guess she didn’t tell me that in person because she was afraid it would sound weird, coming from a girl towards another girl? - I laugh.  
Rest of the ride was rather calm. I chatted with Natsuki about basic things. Seems we all are excited for the festival. I step out right at the door, I take my things from the back and notice Lena standing in the door. I wave to Natsuki and her dad and they ride away. Lena hugs me and kisses my hair.  
\- How was cook-off? - She asks.  
\- Quite nice, speaking of which – As we step inside, I use my loud voice. - David, I got cupcakes, as promised!  
Lena giggles at my smart plan. I know deep down David is like a giant child. Not that it bothers me, I always dreamed of having that one goofy person in family. To our amazement, no response. Lena enters the game. She dives into paper bag and takes a cupcake with her name written on it.  
\- Oh my, such delicious treats! - She is loud on purpose as well. - It would be such a shame if we two ate all these cupcakes…  
David still isn’t showing up. - I’ll check out garage – I say. - Maybe he is busy with some of that woodwork I saw in the morning.  
I step outside into cold, but turn to garage. I hear hand saw, so I pull up the garage door and see David dancing and working together, with headphones on ears. I decide it would be too risky to tickle him. He could hurt himself on accident. Instead I poke his back and wait for him to turn back.  
\- Oh, you’re back already? - He smiles and pats me. - What’s up?  
\- You were so busy dancing and working you didn’t hear me and Lena calling you up for cupcakes – I smile.  
\- Say no more! I am still just doing tests. - He goes to a small locker room and changes back into clean clothes. Black shirt with turned up sleeves, some loose jeans and casual sports shoes. We step inside and treat ourselves on cupcakes.  
\- Big question time – Lena says. - Who made these?  
\- Honey, by now you should know Natalie’s hand-writing – David makes a point.  
\- But what if she just did the decorations? - She bites into a unicorn colored cupcake. - Although on second taste, it has that home flavor.  
We laugh and all, but I look down.

_Hope_

This word is written on my cupcake. I turn off from conversation and think. This past week has been rather unique. Landing in new country, far away from home, but also finding new one. Losing contact with old acquaintances, but making new friends. Getting all the way from being ignored to being nearly the talk of the town. What are my hopes for now? What are my hopes for next week? What are my hopes for the future?  
\- ...lie? Natalie? Do you hear me? - I hear Lena’s voice and turn back to reality. I shake my head and apologize.  
\- I’m sorry, I got caught in deep thinking and analyzing all situations from past week and what awaits me. I think… - I take a break to collect thoughts. Lena and David wait patiently. - I think I finally found… Happiness. And… My hope for now is to keep this happiness up. - I look up at them. - Will you… Help me with it?  
\- Of course, sweetheart – Lena says calmly and hugs me.  
\- I would be a monster if I didn’t do it – David jokes a little and hugs me as well. I finally bite into that cupcake.  
Hope…  
I chat a little more and decide to go to my room. I do something over the internet, write something in text editor, chat with people and go to sleep. I don’t think I am dreaming about anything, but I wake up with my face all wet. Have I been crying in my sleep? Huh.  
I take a look at the clock. 5 AM? Festival starts at 9. I have a lot of time. Something catches my eye, though. On my closed laptop lays a wrapped box. A gift? For me? I go take a look. I carefully pull out the ribbons and stuff and find a letter. It has mostly Lena’s writing.

_Dearest Natalie,_

_This past week has been all new to you. Family, school, country, friends. Back when we were trying to get you to live with us, we didn’t expect you would bring so much sunshine and joy to mine and David’s lives. But we do love you. From the bottoms of our hearts. Please never forget that. We want you to be yourself here. But we also want to be the best we can for you. This uniform came yesterday, when you were at Natsuki’s house. About a music album – I read some very old papers found in adoptive documents. For so many years you regretted you left that disc out there, forever forgotten and unappreciated. So I found it. It may not be the same one, but it’s still original. I listened a little. I did not understand a thing until I dug for translations online. A touching piece, indeed. Stay true to yourself. Have your hopes up high._

_With everlasting love,_

_Lena and David, your new parents_

Uniform is exactly the same as the school one. Finally I won’t be the odd one out. Though I liked my green skirt. Under it there was a smaller package, tightly wrapped and made sure to not see through. I take scissors and cut it on upper edge. I see some black mixed with dirty white.  
\- Oh my… Is this really it? - I whisper to myself. Excitement is stronger, I rip off the paper and throw it away. To see it really is this album. Missing it for years, unable to get it. I burst into tears of happiness and kneel down, looking at the cover. I must be bawling awfully. But I don’t care. I have never been this happy. So many dreams came true recently. It amazes me. Every new day amazes me. I hug the album and cry.  
\- Thank you… Thank you… - I fight with thoughts. Should I really say it? They’re both at work, so I sure can. - Thank you… Mom… And dad…  
I have no idea how long I am sitting like that, appreciating such dumb yet important gift. It is important to me. A significant part of my life. But my phone ringing brings my senses back. I look to see it’s 6:50 AM and Sayori is calling me.  
\- Hello? - I sniffle. My voice is still weird due to crying.  
\- Natalie, are you sad? - Sayori asks on other side worryingly, I smile to myself.  
\- No, it’s the other way around. I have never been so happy. I just realized, so many good things have been happening this past week… You are also part of it… Thank you, Sayori… - I say with a serene tone.  
\- Well, I am happy that you are happy! - I bet she’s smiling. - But I am calling to make sure I am doing everything right.  
\- Yeah? - I sniffle again.  
\- So, in order to make Monika confused, I need to appear after certain moment?  
\- Yes – I reply. - As far as I remember our club is alone on the floor. Everyone else is either at the gym or out in the greens. So it will be quiet. Enough to hear what’s going on. I think it would be best if you all came in when Monika will be talking how me and her are alone, just like she dreamed, blah blah blah.  
Sayori giggles. - Okay! But we can go to school together?  
\- Yes. Just be careful.  
\- How about we meet near your house in few minutes?  
I frown. - What do you mean “we”?  
\- Well, Natsuki is already at my place, we could get to Yuri on the way.  
\- Yo! - Natsuki says loudly from afar. I giggle.  
\- Fine. Is twenty minutes enough? - I ask. I want to look well.  
\- Okay! See you soon! - And she hangs up. I hide my album and rush to the bathroom. I take a quick shower and wear this new uniform. I look really good. I am surprised. I do myself a little makeup, just foundation, eyelashes and golden eyeliner. I blink a little and smile. I add nude lipstick, pack few important things and rush walk out. I sigh and whisper to myself once again:  
\- Thank you, mom and dad…  
\- You didn’t tell me you have imaginary friends – Natsuki’s voice is teasing me.  
\- Natsuki, it’s not nice – Sayori whines. - Even if Natalie has imaginary friends, that means you laugh off me as well because I like talking to Koya and Krypt!  
I smile. - Hey there.  
They are amazed at my new look.  
\- Natalie, you are wearing our school’s uniform! - Sayori says happily.  
\- Had no idea my friend is a model in her free time – Natsuki compliments me in her own way. I just smile and walk with them. At the bus stop near some large tree we spot Yuri. Sayori waves and rushes to her. Yuri also compliments my uniform and overall look.  
\- Today final changes are about to be altered – Yuri speaks up, she smiles so widely. - I have to tell you, I had troubles falling asleep!  
\- We are all excited for festival! - Sayori beams.  
\- But we also need to cut Monika’s temper – I reply. Natsuki beats her fist.  
\- Well I’m ready! How about y’all?  
We all cheer last time before walking through main gate. I tell the girls to go through back yard, close to where Gardening Club holds its activities. On my way to the club room a lot of people compliment my style. I really became the talk of the town. But I want to stay safe in Literature Club.  
Speaking of which, the time has come. I sigh and enter the club room, but I leave the door open. I see Monika sitting near the window, looking down at students. She notices my presence.  
\- Natalie! So good to see you! - She steps down and walks closer to me. - I am sure by now you are aware we are alone with this.  
I play dumb. - What do you mean?  
\- Ehehe… You know… - She makes her usual cute pose. I can feel my blood boiling. - We both kind of left Sayori _**hanging**_ this morning… And we left Yuri _**cut on edge**_ _…_ I don’t even want to mention Natsuki being _**eaten**_ by stress… The thing is… It’s just you and me today… So… How about we stop this silly act and visit the festival?  
I smirk. - I am surprised.  
\- By what? - She is so oblivious my guts are hurting.  
\- Come on in. - I say calmly and the girls enter the club room.  
\- Natsuki, close the door – Yuri orders so.  
\- It’s the best decision – She replies and closes the door.  
\- What is this nonsense? - Monika asks.  
\- Sit down – I give order to Monika.  
\- What, no, what is going on?! - She really has no idea? Perfect.  
\- What is going on? - I laugh maniacally. - Your “best friends” survived, that’s what. And your love interest has no interest in you.  
\- No, that’s not true… - Monika tries to fight. - You all are impostors! Liars!  
\- Liars, you say? - I laugh deeply. - Yuri, do your deeds.  
\- Right! - She is confident and ready to fight. She throws a pile of Polaroid pictures. Monika looks at them.  
\- No… You don’t understand! - She tries to defend herself. - I-I just volunteer here!  
\- Stop fucking lying, Monika! - Yuri is really mad. - We all here know you are an orphan! Just because you lost your whole family ages ago doesn’t mean you can treat us like that!  
\- Monika… Remember how year ago you behaved towards me? - Sayori asks.  
\- I-I did what I had to do!  
Sayori is angry as well. - Did you have to worsen my depression in order to make him hate me?! Telling me on Sunday how worthless I am, how he doesn’t love me, doesn’t even appreciate my presence?!  
\- Doing the same to me… What were your plans, Monika? - I ask.  
\- Please, Natalie, we are adults, I am sure we can solve it on our own, just the two of us…  
\- Oh shut up, would you! - Natsuki breaks Monika’s love defense. - You have no idea how much I am glad for having friends like Yuri and Sayori. And now Natalie as well. Let me tell you, try to alter any of us again, you’ll see no end of the madness! - She tries to hit Monika, but I hold her back. She tries to fight. - Let me off!  
\- Natsuki, don’t let yourself get overridden by some basic instincts – I reply.  
\- Turning me into psychotic monster… Making me nearly kill myself… I repeat the question I asked Natsuki back then. _**WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD?!**_ \- Yuri shouts. We are all angry.  
\- Monika, you have two options – I say calmly.  
\- Can I still love you? Ow! - She receives a punch from Natsuki. I high-five her.  
\- Alright, you shitty bitch, I had enough – I let my anger out. I pull up her precious hair. She tries to fight. For nothing. - For whole fucking week you flirt with me, I try so fucking hard to not kill you, I do so much shit in order to simply try to bring you back into this simple world, and you still fight. I am fucking fed up, you hear me?! FED. UP. You have two options. You go on therapy and we are still friends and club members, or you stay in the dark, but alone. We all exit the Literature Club.  
\- School Librarian told me she would appreciate my knowledge – Yuri says.  
\- I need to get back up with my grades! - Sayori states.  
\- I will be fine in Cooking Club if they still want me there! - Natsuki replies.  
\- And I will find a place of my own – I say, just before the bell rings. - Right after festival ends, you give us your reply.  
\- But-  
\- No discussion – I break Monika’s trials. - Alright, everyone on their places. Yuri, hang up the banner and prepare tea. Sayori, welcome the guests. Natsuki, pull up cupcakes. Monika, you run this shit. And don’t try to even be a little lovely to me.  
Soon room is filled with guests. Sayori is perfect at her part. Everyone is busy. Monika tries again.  
\- Natalie, please… We can solve this…  
\- Shut. The. Fuck. Up. - I hiss through teeth. A student approaches me and asks if I am new. - Oh yes, I am just for a week there, but I heard so much about this club I wanted to join immediately. And I sort of got involved in festival, ahaha! - Keeping up appearances at its best. I mean I wasn’t lying at all. I just didn’t tell whole truth.  
Everyone chats and is having fun. Even Monika finally does the deeds and gives around pamphlets with personally chosen poems by everyone. On the end is my poem, or rather a translation of my very first poem. I wrote it when I was about thirteen years old. But it doesn’t matter that much. Not really knowing how to turn people’s attention, I loudly sing one line of a lesser-known protest song. Translated would go like:

“ _Over the evening Danube spreads white color, white color, white color”_

Everyone turns around. Yay! I begin some improvised speech while girls stand next to me.  
\- Welcome to the Literature Club! First I would love to thank you for being here today. We did not expect such interest! - People clap. - Now, I would love to let the girls present themselves in their own words. First, Vice President of Literature Club, Sayori!  
People clap intensively, Sayori bows a little and smiles wide. I know she will not disappoint.  
\- Hey! My name is Sayori! I may have not been the most active person during classes, I may sleep, or space out… But it’s because… - She stops to take a deep breath. - I suffer from depression. Past year has been rather hard for me… Losing dearest friend, landing in weird situations… But it’s all in the past now, I want the future to be all bright! And I hope my poem will show this! The poem I will perform is called _**Dreams**_ _ **M**_ _ **ade of Cinnamon**_.  
We all stay silent as Sayori slowly performs.

_A sweet smell spreads around the room  
_ _A happy chatter is heard all over  
Gifts under the tree  
Dishes on the table  
Everything seems ready for that moment_

_Soon songs will be heard  
_ _Gifts will be opened  
_ _Dishes will disappear  
_ _But one thing will always stay the same  
_ _World’s will to live_

We all clap quietly and Sayori bows. I step up to front.  
\- Thank you, Sayori, amazing performance. Now, I would love you to meet our most intelligent person. She is responsible for magnificent tea most of you are drinking, as well as this beautiful banner and mesmerizing essential oils. Please welcome Yuri.  
Yuri steps up front a little afraid, at first she seems like she is unsure of herself, but quickly gets back on track.  
\- Oh, um.. H-hello, uh, I am Yuri… In my free time I read a lot of books and listen to… Classical music… Because it soothes my mind. But definitely my true passion is literature. And I hope this poem will show it. It’s called _**Open Your Third Eye**_.  
I was a little afraid if Yuri should recite it. For someone outside it’s an innocent poem.

_Stagnating air, a foreshadow or a tip?  
_ _Two routes, countless possibilities.  
_ _Is there truth? How to achieve it?  
_ _Think. There has to be a solution.  
It cannot be all just a lost ascension.  
_ _Use it wisely. Do not let others find out.  
_ _Stay strong.  
_ _Time passes. World changes. Lives spread around.  
_ _Realization. Hell in heaven.  
_ _Screaming in agony, unable to control oneself.  
_ _Exhilarating escapade._

Yuri bows in an elegant way and people clap. I can hear someone saying “I dunno what she’s talking about, man, but I love it, she sounds just like Gandhi”. I smile at that reference, but also continue with performances.  
\- Now for our best writer. She is responsible for these amazing, warm, sweet cupcakes you all are eating. Say hello to Natsuki!  
\- Guess someone finally noticed my talent, huh? Anyway, I am Natsuki. I joined the Literature Club to be able to… - I am certain she stops herself from saying “to read manga in peace”, but I say nothing. - To… Find some inspiration and become a better version of myself. Poem I will perform is not my best piece, but good enough for such mo… *Cough* I mean, valuable audience. It’s called _**Time Flies**_.

_How much is a year?  
_ _How fast does it pass?  
_ _One say it’s like a blink  
_ _Others dread it all_

_Sometimes fascinating,  
_ _Sometimes boring,  
_ _Sometimes interesting  
_ _Sometimes tiring_

_Cold, then warm,  
_ _Next moment it’s hot and humid  
But it goes back to warm  
_ _To make a turn and be cold again_

_Everything has a meaning  
We just need to force ourselves  
_ _But I know for sure  
_ _There is a place for everyone, no matter the time_

Natsuki smiles proudly and bows. But I realize time has come. I can’t go now. It wouldn’t be fair. I focus on performances instead.  
\- Now, the person admired by all of us here. Ex member of Debate Club, President of Literature Club, most popular person of whole school. Everyone welcome Monika! - People in the audience go wild, they clap, whistle, yell. I calm them all down. - Please, allow Monika to present herself.  
\- MONIKA I LOVE YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND! - Some guy shouts from the back. Everyone laughs.  
\- Hehe~ I appreciate the offer, but I am not interested in love for now. Hi, it’s me! Um… It seems everyone knows everything about me… - She saddens. I don’t know why. But everything becomes clear in next few sentences. - But it’s the total opposite. I made a lie out of my life. Pretending to have a rich and loving family, while being an orphan… Lying about a huge home, when all I have is a bed, nightstand and desk lamp… Popularity, gained through betrayal, cheating, altering people’s minds… It shouldn’t be like that. I want you all to be witnesses to my apology towards these amazing ladies. As for you… - She turns back to us. - I don’t want you to accept it right now. Nor decline. Take your time. - She smiles sadly, a tear rolls down her cheek, but it’s nearly unnoticeable. She turns back to whispering people. - Anyway, the poem I would like to perform is a… Slightly updated version of my very personal poem, some of you may remember from last year’s festival. This one I called _**Purist**_.

_Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you  
In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you  
_ _The ink flows down into a dark puddle,  
Just move your hand – live the way into his heart!  
_ _But in this world of infinite illusions  
_ _What will it take just to make that special day?  
What will it take just to make that special day?_

_Have I found something that I won’t lose today?  
_ _When you’re here, everything that we do will never fade away  
_ _When I can’t even read my own feelings  
_ _What good are words when a smile says it all?  
_ _And if this world suddenly has a finale  
_ _Then I will make sure to go with no regrets_

_Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?  
_ _In the end, I suppose all I can do is to live and see  
_ _The ink flows down into a dark puddle  
_ _How can I write love into eternity?  
_ _If I can’t hear the sound of your heartbeat  
_ _I’ll just believe in your sincerity  
_ _And in your reality, if someday you disappear  
_ _I’ll wait right here_

Monika cries during performance, and I can see her tears are true. Honest, I think everyone feels the pain in her heart and mind. We are all unable to even process a word, and she just stands there, crying, bawling nearly. I start clapping. Yuri follows, then Sayori with Natsuki and audience slowly joins for a long salve of bravo. Monika whispers “Thank you”, but continues louder:  
\- Thank you all, for being here at this festival. But there is one last person left to perform. She may have been here for just a week, but positively changed minds of all of us, Literature Club members. Helped us understand literature with new eyes, washed rain clouds away, and I only hope it all was not a longer road chosen by her. Natalie. For sure a foreigner, but never an outcast.  
I am positively surprised by Monika’s speech. A little shy, I walk up to the front.  
\- Thank you, Monika. Thank you all, for being here. - I say with pride in my voice. - If not for me, or for any of us in particular, I really am glad so many of you are here and appreciate our efforts. Unfortunately, I will be the odd one out in the end. The reason is… I did not want to recite some old and basic poem of mine, yet also I had a feeling translating a poem significant for me would be a hard task. So… I chose a set of texts found in some… Game. I called it _**Falling**_. Partially from game’s name. Alula Falling.  
I take a deep breath and try hard for my voice not to shake.

_As I fall, I frown_

_As I fall, I struggle for breath_

_My heart was beating intensely against my ribcage.  
_ _As though trying to break free  
_ _As ice cold tears run down my face,  
_ _I snap my eyes closed tight._

_I wasn’t going to be a witness to my death;  
_ _To the victory of my enemies and to the funeral of my friends…_

_As I fall, I feel pain my heart send shivers down my spine.  
_ _Every moment -  
_ _Every relationship, every conversation, and every pen drop -  
_ _Everything that had ever happened in my life had led to this moment  
_ _I can’t help but wonder, though, could this really be it?  
_ _All this was for?  
_ _To die alone, hurting and cold?  
_ _Amongst flames, death and street lights?  
_ _Was my life going to be over… Just like that? At the sound of bone on concrete?_

_As I fall, I remember skipping stones,  
I remember climbing trees and paper planes…  
_ _I remember sticks and stones, and broken arms.  
_ _I remember trying…  
_ … _and falling…  
_ _Learning…  
_ … _and falling once more.  
_ _I remember pain… I remember hurt…  
_ _But I remember love, too._

_As I fall, I realize, like my parents before me…  
_ _That I was going to die in flames.  
_ _My memories, emotions… soul…  
_ … _Were going to be reduced to nothing but ashes.  
_ _People would remember me at first…  
_ _I’m sure they’d feel sad.  
_ _Eventually, though, they’d forget.  
_ _Eventually life would move on without me…_

_As I fall, I feel my heavy thoughts become less so._

_In the end._

…

_I guess it doesn’t really matter…  
My fears, anxieties and heart aches…  
_… _They start to leave my body._

_They start to become one with the night._

_Everything I had ever felt, touched, thought…  
_ … _They didn’t matter now._

_My life wasn’t just flashing before me…  
_ _It was erupting._

_I felt like a firework…  
_ _Only at the end, did I realize the true beauty of it all;  
_ _The true weight… The true meaning…_

_Everything I had ever done…  
_ … _Every stone I had ever thrown.  
_ … _It had meant something…_

_Not to the universe at large… Not even to other people._

… _But to me.  
_ _It meant something to me._

_And for finite, fragile beings…_

_That’s all that matters._

_That’s all that can._

_As I fall, I release my regrets.  
_ _I slap my heart on my sleeve.  
_

_I had lived.  
_ _I had been born on this great, beautiful blue dot._

_I had experience the privilege only so many get.  
_ _As I fall, I become thankful that I had ever lived._

_As I fall,  
_ _I smile._

Silence. I feel my cheeks are wet again. Have I been crying? Suddenly everyone stands up and claps loudly. Every single person. I smile and turn back. It seems girls have been crying too. I don’t hold myself and get into a group hug. A loud “aw” is heard. We all line up, hold each others’ hands and bow.  
If this is the future for me, I want to welcome it with everyone here.

*******

_ **AFTERWORD** _

Hey, it’s the author speaking. Agnes, aka u/inessa_k on reddit, aka InessaMaximova#4540 on discord. File’s properties tell me I began writing on September 7, 2019, at 3:41 AM UTC +1 (or 2, I am not sure, but Central Eastern Europe time anyway). My life has changed in few aspects since then, but it’s not the place. How did it all begin? ...I don’t remember, hehe. I think an idea popped in my mind and I just went with the flow. I just moved my hands. And here I am, finished, nearly five months later. I want to say thank you to quite a few people, who more or less pushed me to this story.

**Reddit users:**

u/ThaElf – For always reacting to my poems (even though I can’t crack your reactions sometimes)  
u/sarielv – For inspiring me to take a different look at poems  
u/williekins – For being the warmest goof around  
u/amanita-ocreata – For giving me ideas on how I should develop Monika in my story

**Discord users:**

Speaker#2157 – For reacting to some of my poetry, but also giving me ideas on how I should develop Yuri in my story (not straight forwardly, but still)  
I live, but for what#3891 aka Manfred – For reading my poetry, being a very original person  
Wolfram#0305 – For reading my poetry  
BinaryWaffle343#1807 – For always checking up on me, my mental state, just being a nice and caring person  
St. Jimmy#0420 – For the most interesting chats about mods  
dank-sama – For checking up on me in bad times

**Following mods and their creators** (I am really sorry if I do not remember your names):  
Paul D./CykaDev ( _Rainclouds, New Eyes_ )  
 _Longer Roads  
Lost Ascension  
_u/The_Ninjadillo _(Purist)  
Monika After Story_  
Team Monika ( _Monika Before Story_ )

**Games** :

_Alula Falling_ series by 08jackt _  
Azur Lane  
Doki Doki Literature Club_ (duh)

**Other:**

Michael V., my dearest friend from Ireland, who always reacted positively to any of progress news

Dan Salvato himself, for creating an amazing game, still respected and played wide  
r/DDLC reddit community  
r/DDLC discord community  
r/DDLCmods reddit community  
  


And you, reader, for picking this up. Hope you had a good read.

Do I have plans for another story? Kind of.

_ **January, 26, 2020; 02:50 AM (UTC +1)** _

_ Copyright notes: _

“ _Afterimage of a Crimson Eye” poem was used from the Doki Doki: New Eyes mod by Paul “CykaDev” Dielenschneider with permission  
_

“ _My Reality” poem was used from the DDLC Purist mod by u/The_Ninjadillo et al. with permission_


End file.
